


Phoenix In The Fire

by girlycards



Series: The Arcana: The Knight & The Night [2]
Category: Dracul - Dacre Stoker & J.D. Barker, Hellsing
Genre: Author has gone feral, Dissociation, Established Relationship, F/F, Historical Inaccuracy, Tarot Cards, Vaguely Arcana inspired, Vampire! Integra, no posting schedule, sequel to live by the sword
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:08:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlycards/pseuds/girlycards
Summary: [INDEFINITE HIATUS] Where there’s smoke, there’s fire and changes to the Hellsing Organization are sure to ruffle some feathers, but Integra and Seras quickly realize there’s a lot they don’t know about vampires, even as vampires, or even Hellsing’s full history. With increasing pressure and realizations, both Integra and Seras find clarity in the destruction.
Relationships: Integra Hellsing/Seras Victoria
Series: The Arcana: The Knight & The Night [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677232
Comments: 22
Kudos: 20





	1. Ace Of Swords: Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is intended to be a continuation following “Live By The Sword.” I would HIGHLY SUGGEST reading Live By The Sword prior to reading this. It can technically be read without in theory, and this first chapter is a prologue. But because it is “post-post-canon” with significant changes, I would highly suggest reading Live By The Sword first.  
> Anyway, for those of you who have read Live By The Sword, thank you for your ongoing support and faith in me. This work will follow a similar format (although it will be shorter overall and have shorter chapters), lean even more into experimental story telling, and there will be direct references to and characters from Dacre Stoker’s and J.D. Barker’s “Dracul” which I highly recommend reading, and there are spoilers to that book, due to explanations I have included for those who have not read Dracul.  
> [Suit Of Wands](https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-wands/)  
> "The Suit of Wands Tarot card meanings are associated with primal energy, spirituality, inspiration, determination, strength, intuition, creativity, ambition and expansion, original thought and the seeds through which life springs forth.  
> The Suit of Wands is associated with the element of Fire. Fire is hot, wild, unpredictable, and energetic. It can be creative in helping us to cook food or build tools, or it can be destructive, like a devastating bush fire or house fire.  
> Fire is symbolic of passion, energy, enthusiasm, and sexuality. It is a masculine element and reflects the drive and willpower of the masculine energy."

_You'll get what's yours if you live by the sword_

_You'll get your reward if you by the sword_

_Live By The Sword - Dorian Electra_

## 28 October 2000 - The Site Of Helena’s House

Integra relaxed back in the seat of the van once she was in the driver’s seat. “Seras…” Seras was ahead of her, though, already leaned over the console to embrace her, letting Integra speak, “Do you want to go home?”

Seras hummed softly, a tendril of shadow joining the embrace and wiping away the blood on Integra’s forehead. “Why did you let me…” she tightened her grip again, “Bite you? You could have become a ghoul.”

“I don’t know…” she said, thinking. “I just saw you bleeding. The stake. I knew I had to. You have saved me many times. Perhaps it was just my turn to do the same.” Integra ran her hand through Seras’s hair, the blonde strands already cleaned of blood. “I am not your master, Seras.”

“What am I?”

There was no reason to censor herself to Seras, already laid so bare before her, and she spoke her mind. “A companion? A partner? A lover?” most importantly, she thought, “ _equals._ ” Those words were a promise and Integra clung to Seras.

“I have a question as well, Seras. Who was that?”

“Helena,” Seras said, “She’s a vampire I met when we were investigating chip leads. I promised not to tell you. It wasn’t deception,” the words were punctuated by a soft sound, “She wasn’t doing anything. Hurting anyone.”

“I trust your judgment. You have trusted mine,” she said, “Live by the sword, die by the sword. She wasn’t wrong.”

“She spoke of the same things when I visited her… last year. After his disappearance, she warned me that I would be sealed. Or destroyed by Hellsing, and to escape while I still could.” Her posture grew unnatural as she clung to Integra, resting her chin on Integra’s shoulder. “That if I lived killing vampires, I would be killed. When we returned from Cheddar after I became a ‘true vampire.’” She pulled away, gesturing to the book set on the console, “She gave me ‘The Passionist.” It’s how the vampire Possenti was sealed by the Passionists in the 1800s, before Drac- Alucard.”

“Before Dracula.”

Seras nodded, tracing her hand over the golden marking of the cover. She felt lighter, calmer. “The seals use the binds of master and servant vampires. To enslave vampires to humans. He was buried in England in a church.”

“The church… he tried to burn a church.”

“St. Michael’s Church,” she said, touching the edges of the cover as she thought and the connections were slowly made. “When I read the Hellsing pledge. I knew. The bird…”

“The bird of Hermes, eating my wings…”

“Eating my wings to keep me tame. I knew I had been made a servant. I don’t want any other vampires to go through that, Integra. This can’t happen again,” she placed her palm down on top of the book.

Integra set her hand over Seras’s, “As I said, Seras. Equals. You drank the whole of my blood, and were staked. That is sufficient to break the seal.”

“You knew how to…”

“I don’t know how you were sealed, Seras. I am not afraid then, and I’m not afraid now, I didn’t expect to be turned.”

“You—”

“I love you, Seras. I can’t imagine a world without you, even if I’m not in it,” she ran a hand through Seras’s hair, “I’ve been afraid, but I’m not afraid anymore.” She pulled Seras’s hand to the spot on her neck where the bite marks remained.

“I love you, Integra,” she said, “I love you so much, Integra. I…” Her words were soft, but full of strength, surging forward to kiss Integra.

Integra met her kiss, pulling away only to look at the red eyes that stared back into hers.

“Let’s go home.”

The engine came to life with the turn of the key, and Seras pulled away, letting her hand briefly linger on Integra’s thigh.


	2. The Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Lovers embrace each other, united by the knowledge they are stronger combined." [source](https://thearcanagame.fandom.com/wiki/Tarot_Deck)  
> 

_I know it's hard to be soft_

_I know it hurts to be kind_

_I know that when love is lost_

_It's only fear in disguise_

_Soft To Be Strong - Marina_

## October 2000 - Romania

She opened the envelope carefully, fingers unfolding the crisp paper to read the letter. Careful, precise handwriting and ‘prattling, monologuing’ tone consistent with vampires.

_“Countess-”_

_I am thankful as well for your offering to submit your story to add to my library and contribute to vampiric history and provide access to the library in exchange. My return address is my current location, and you are welcome to arrive at your convenience._

_I do encourage you to hesitate in engaging with the Hellsing Organization - his childe (I shall disclose her name - Miss Seras Victoria who I have since banished from my home until she separates herself from the leader for which she is enraptured - Sir Integra Hellsing), and they will not hesitate to destroy you ‘for crown and country.’ (Surely you aware of the danger of them, and their prior use of Dracula as a weapon)._

_Is it truly so surprising to you that our ‘king’ has a childe? I know you have written that you have known him through the ages, and of your dislike of him. I do not yet know your tale, so I will withhold judgment until that time._

_Helena_

She was not particularly shocking with the revelation that Helena doubted her own opinions of the aforementioned Dracul, and set the paper down, retrieving her own paper and pen to write a letter of return.

_Helena,_

_Thank you for your continued contact during this time and I apologize for the briefness of this letter; I am still attempting to ascertain if contacting the Hellsing Organization is in my best interests, as it is not in yours as you have previously informed me. That aside, I was promised Dracula would not wander any longer upon the earth, but you say he has sired a fledgling? A childe?_

_Nonetheless, over a century has passed, and to my knowledge, that promise has been kept by Hellsing. I will tell you more of that when we see one another. I understand and accept your belief wholly that Hellsing will immediately destroy me, But, in knowing Dracula is truly absent since the battle you described in London, I no longer fear anything. I have lost years, families, and more than Hellsing could ever take from me, even my own un-life. I will be seeing you soon._

She signed her name, addressing the letter before preparing it to be sent off.

## 28 October 2000 9:45 pm - Site Of Helena’s Mansion

Lawson climbed back in the car opposite Penwood, grateful to be out of the horrendous minivan and in a normal car.

“Thank you, by the way, for coming to get me. I didn’t expect Sir Jackson to arrest us… so quickly. Or Integra to respond so promptly.”

“I followed her direction,” Penwood, true to form, laughed dryly. “I can’t imagine what she did to Jackson. My father was right about one thing. Don’t piss her off.”

Lawson flipped her name tag, “I signed up for research and rebuilding…”

## 28 October 2000 10:04 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Seras’s tendril closed the door completely, embracing Integra again as she set the book down on the table in the entryway. The events were slowly setting in, as was their impact. The drive home had played host to both of them being rendered strangely silent, and there were no words that could seem to break it. The embrace allowed a break in the silence, finalizing the pain of loss, and recovery of life and understanding. The gain of love.

Seras kissed down Integra’s neck to where the two marks she had left remained. “I love you, Integra. I…”

“I love you,” Integra repeated, pulling Seras’s face up to hers, kissing her rather vigorously. The blood on both of them was no longer frightening, and there was nothing left to lose. She had already sacrificed so much and fed upon living blood, and on that high, she remained. Instincts pumped through her like fresh blood. Days, months, years of self-restraint and shame falling away completely. She was touched-starved and _hungry_.

“Integra,” she said and pulled at the torn fabric of her jacket, which was easily torn away. She could feel Integra’s desire, curling and calling to her. She didn’t even bother finishing unbuttoning Integra’s shirt, trailing kisses down her neck again, humming as she rested her hands on Integra's chest. There was no heartbeat any longer to mark the passing time, but now both immortal, it did not matter.

“You… want to shower…” Integra said, a hand reaching to boldly, although briefly, grope Seras’s chest, before trailing back to her waist.

“Ah… yes…” she said, breaking away so they could walk towards the bathroom. Integra kept her hands lingering on Seras, though, keeping one arm around her waist. Seras leaned into the touch, all but nuzzling Integra’s shoulder.

By the time they were in Integra’s bedroom, Integra was pulling away Seras’s bloody clothes, pushing her against the wall. Seras reciprocated, pulling apart the buttons of Integra’s blouse. A shadow tendril delicately pulled Integra’s hair away from Integra’s eyes.

“I don’t know how you went so long without drinking…” she said, burying her face in the space where Seras’s neck met her shoulder. Something in her drove to bite. To drink. _To take._ That it would complete something. “I need it,” her lips ghosted over Seras’s throat where Alucard’s mark had been left. 

Seras groaned softly when her fangs dragged lightly across her skin, but not breaking it. She tightened her grip on what was left of Integra’s blouse, “you know what to do…”

Integra sunk her teeth in and could feel Seras. Not just her skin, but all of her. The blossom of trust unfurled like great wings over them both. Memories of the past, and the present, and dreams of the future. It was unbelievably rich on her tongue, and she felt Seras sag slightly with a soft whine. She pulled away, licking the puncture wounds gently. “That… shower,” she said, taking breaths only to speak.

Seras didn’t reply, her mind briefly filling with the time she had last showered with Integra. Not even a fortnight ago, when Integra had let her hands linger in hers for a moment. And now their hands were clasped together and they were _touching_. “Yes,” she said, pushing back on Integra and in the general direction of the door to the bathroom.

Integra was pushing her skirt off, and Seras fumbled for Integra’s belt, undoing it. Her other hand reached behind, opening the door as they pushed through into the bathroom. Integra turned the light on out of habit as she pulled away, kicking her shoes off, followed by pushing off her pants. It was cleansing to remove the garments, and Seras was doing the same. She pulled away the bandages that had once covered the wound Blasius had inflicted but was now healed, tossing them to the floor as well. It was messy, but what had anything between her and Seras ever been clean?

Red met red as Integra looked at Seras again, pulling her towards the shower with a single hand. She turned the water on, stepping back, the water instantly cleansing the remnants of blood from her and then from Seras. She pulled Seras close under the spray, the words not spoken but an implicit ‘ _we should_.’

Integra was overwhelmed by the sensation of Seras’s caress and her mind filled with Seras’s thoughts and emotions. The overflowing of love, forgiveness, and compassion. She was touching Seras, too. Her hands making their way down her hip and up to her chest, as the water ran over both of them. There was no longer any trace of blood, just the tracing of Integra’s hands over her skin and the trail of kisses Seras left on her neck.

“I love you, Seras,” she repeated the words, “I love you…”

“I love you,” Seras echoed, taking the opportunity to kiss Integra again. The silence between them was acceptable to Integra, as her thoughts were filled with Seras’s thoughts again. She broke away to kiss down Seras’s neck, down her chest, slowly lower. She placed a kiss on Seras’s nipple, tongue briefly grazing it as she continued, kissing down the soft skin of Seras’s stomach. She didn’t know quite how to proceed, but when Seras trembled as she kissed lower she knew to continue. She kissed down, so close to Seras’s point of need, and rested her hand on Seras’s hip, her other hand pushing her thighs apart as she knelt all the way down in front of Seras. She lifted Seras’s thigh slightly, and her lips met the slick skin. She was not unsure any longer when Seras made a strangled noise.

“Integra, what are you— you don’t need to…”

Integra continued, tongue pressing against Seras’s folds. She could feel Seras’s pleasure, along with the way she trembled slightly. She held Seras’s hip still, keeping her steady as she continued pressing open-mouthed kisses against her. She felt a hand reach for her hair and Seras pressed against her mouth. 

“Integra, I…”

Integra met her need, the movements becoming more intense until her tongue pushed into her, causing Seras to nearly fall back on the wet floor.

“I’m gonna… Ah… Fall…” she whined, torn between letting this continue and not particularly wanting to fall. Integra’s grip on her hip and thigh tightened slightly, making her intentions clear. _No, you won’t._

Seras cried out again, this time from pleasure as she reached her peak, trembling and sinking into Integra’s hold, which somehow kept her from falling. Her chest heaved with unnecessary breaths as she looked down at Integra, biting on her lip as she slowly came down from the orgasm.

“Integra… you…”

Integra hummed affirmatively. There were no words that could quite define the way she felt and she moved up, kissing Seras instead. She was so tense with need that when Seras finally touched her, she jerked.

“Turn off… the water,” she said, between the kisses that were growing steadily sloppier. Integra didn’t really care how, but the shower was finally off as Seras continued to move her finger along her clit. It was gentle, void of any roughness.

Integra broke the kiss to bury her face in Seras’s neck again, pulling her closer, rocking against her touches. “Seras… more,” the words were low, demanding. Seras continued with increasing pressure and speed, meeting Integra’s ongoing demands for more.

Integra's hands wandered, seeking out her body, grateful that she was _here_. She could feel when Integra finally came, her grip grew nearly painful on her back as her nails dug in, and she let out a particularly loud moan. And then her sinking slightly, momentarily rendered pliant against Seras’s touch.

“Integra?”

“We should dry off,” she said, releasing her grip from Seras, “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” she said, letting her hand linger on Integra’s hip briefly as they separated.

“I’d still like… to talk about what happened, Seras,” she said, “I… There’s a lot right now… I’ll need to address the Convention.”

Seras’s voice was soft, caressing her cheek again, “I don’t know either... “ she said, “we have the rest of the night.”

Integra brought her hand to Seras’s cheek, “I feel as though I’ve been starving for so long, and only now do I realize it.”

“Do you want… more blood?” she offered. She was unsure of how to help Integra, as her own introduction to vampirism had been via Alucard, and she had avoided feeding for an extended period of time. Any questions she had were swiftly answered, and the revulsion to blood had been difficult to overcome; she wished Helena was here and regretted not speaking to her more as Integra pulled away.

“No,” Integra said, wrapping a towel around her hair, “Just... in general. I feel lighter. Like a weight has been finally lifted.” She turned to face Seras, “I’ll have to sleep in a coffin come dawn…. Can I share yours?”

“Oh! Of course,” she said, already half-dried off as she wrapped the towel around herself.

“For now… I’d like to get dressed, and then we have the rest of the night,” Integra ran a hand up Seras’s arm, an attempt at bringing her close once more.

“My clothes…” she said, “I can heal them… but-”

“I might have an extra set of nightclothes. Check the closet.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty sure I can handle you wearing my clothes.”

Seras nodded, glancing in the mirror before disappearing into the closet. Integra was preoccupied with the mirror, running her hand under the eye that had healed with the change. She could not tell what parts of her vision improving were from regained depth perception or no longer requiring prescription lenses due to vampiric abilities. It was strange to see herself with red eyes. Jarring. Instincts made it easy to bite. To drink. But did not make it any less jarring. She curled her lip, revealing the fangs that now marked her upper and lower bite. And that made it easy to pull away from the mirror and follow Seras into the closet.

“Don’t you… have like… any comfortable clothes?” she gestured to the spartan assortment of blouses, blazers, and pants. Her combat attire and a singular skirt. And the small pile of nightclothes that were dumped on top of the chest of drawers that stored her undergarments.

“Just my nightclothes.”

Seras deflated slightly, “I’m going to go get my stuff from the basement.”

“I’m going to have to move to the basement, eventually.”

“How… is that going to work with staffing?”

“The same as it has always been,” she pulled on the shirt, followed by the pants of the pajamas, quickly covering herself. She handed Seras a lavender robe from the drawer, “Here.”

Seras wrapped herself with it, “Thank you. I’m still going to get clothes.”

As she walked out of the bathroom, Integra let out a soft sigh again, fixing her nightclothes slightly and concealing her pistol under them in its harness. She felt so awake and yet utterly exhausted. Hunger fully quenched, and yet still craving the taste of blood upon her tongue again. She re-buttoned the front of the shirt, hand ghosting over where the wound inflicted by Blasius had once been. She closed her eyes and an image flashed through her mind of Blasius as Seras, threatening and leering, and then as herself staking Seras. Seras. _Seras_. She had been completely still for several moments when Seras tapped her shoulder.

“Integra?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rejected lines from this chapter:  
> “You can borrow my shirts.”  
> “Will they even fit?”  
> “If that is a jab at me being flat-chested, I will end your un-life.”  
> Bonus [art](https://maiiart.tumblr.com/post/613974190874296320/their-majesty) drawn by AO3 user Maige (Maiiart on Tumblr)  
> 


	3. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reversed: "Death indicates that while you are finding it difficult to let go, once you do, new energy will come into your life to give you a new brighter beginning. "  
> Upright: "The old issues Death seeks to change can be deep-seated and painful"  
> [source](https://www.thetarotguide.com/death)  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am working on Phoenix In The Fire yet again. I swore I would not mass delete and do the same thing I did with Live By The Sword (re-writing and mass-posting), but here I am, at it again. With a more cohesive plan of plot & what not. I saved all your comments and am still so grateful for them. Thank you all for your patience and enjoy these two surprise postings chapters <3  
> I am still aiming to have it all out by the end of February.

# Death Reversed

_I'm so sorry_

_For how you feel inside_

_Even though you haunt me_

_I'll make it out alive_

_You must live a fucking nightmare_

_Awake and in your dreams_

_I’m So Sorry - Nico Collins_

## Now

She watched as Seras dug her fangs into her neck. She felt as she embraced Seras. _You can’t. Shouldn’t. Don’t._

“I love you.” _I can’t._

_No no no no._

She can’t have all of me. _I’m not afraid._

_~~I’m~~ You’re going to hell._

Touching, touching, touching.

_~~I’m~~ You’re such a disappointment, a failure._

Why am I embracing her, and death?

_~~I~~ You can’t abandon ~~my~~ your beliefs_

_Don’t touch her ~~me~~._

_She’s going to hurt ~~me~~ you._

Her eyes opened to the office again, hand on her neck. But she _knew_ it hadn’t been a dream. This office _was_ the dream. 

A haven. A place to be alone. To think.

_What have you done?_

Integra appeared in the office across from her, looking down at her stomach where Blasius’s wound had been.

_It appears I am not allowed peace._

Integra looked up at her, eyes going wide.

“Me…?”

She regarded Integra with a cool gaze, “Yes.”

“Where is Seras? I was…” she looked around, “My office.. Before the attack…”

“The police girl is of no concern to me, but you’re bleeding.”

Integra’s hand went to her neck, having not noticed the blood drenching her shirt, and the floor in the process. “Is this real?”

“Is it?” _Am I real?_

Integra looked down at the blood on her hand, the blood pooling around her, “I was just with Seras…”

“Well, she’s not here, is she?”

Integra looked up, “Who are you? You’re not… me.”

“I am you.”

“You’re not me.”

“And you’re not me, either, then.”

“Where is this?”

“Do you remember our father’s lessons? Blood…”

Integra’s vision flashed red.

_Blood, blood, blood._

_I am so afraid._

_Blood, blood, blood, blood..._

## 28 October 2000 11:54 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Seras’s tap on Integra’s shoulder yielded no response, and Seras shook Integra slightly, to no avail.

“Integra? Are you alright?”

She shook her harder, and Integra collapsed forward, stiff but eyes shut. Seras let out a surprised squeak, and as a result of her police training, her hand flew to Integra’s neck to find a pulse. Of course, there was none.

“Integra!” she said, shaking her. “This isn’t funny.”

Integra’s body was growing more rigid, unresponsive to Seras’s pleas. She hardly remembered her own turning, but she was certain this is not something that happened. She could only recall Alucard shooting her, and sinking her teeth into her, and the accompanying strange dream. Her eyes had fallen shut at some point, and when she opened them she was in the basement. She pulled Integra from the floor to her bedroom, up onto the bed. She shook her arm frantically.

“Integra. Please wake up. Come back to me.”

She pinched the back of Integra’s hand, hard. _How could Integra be dead?_ Not UnDead or UnLife, but dead dead. 

She pulled away from Integra, rifling through her nightstand. She found her emergency phone. She flipped it open, waiting for it to power on, tapping her foot irritably. The sound of the device powering on was music to Seras’s ears as she clicked through the contacts. Nearly-forgotten police protocols and instincts kicked in; she knew by the protocol of someone dying inside the mansion, Hellsing’s security should be contacted immediately, but this was definitely an exception. There was only one logical person to contact. _Dr. Trevilian._

She clicked the call button, bringing the phone to her ear.

It rang to no answer. She sighed as it went to voicemail.

“Doctor Trevilian, General Surgeon at London Hospital, if you are calling about a procedure, please call the hospital direct…. If you are calling about specialty private care please leave a brief message and a call back number. Thank you.”

She sighed a second time, looking back at Integra, and tried to speak as calmly as possible. “Hello, this is Hellsing, officer Seras Victoria calling about Integra’s… condition. If you could please give me a call back as soon as possible, thank you.”

She dropped the phone back into her lap and brushed her hand along Integra’s cheek.

“I probably should have left a call back number.”

Her concern was voided a moment later when the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“This is Dr. Trevilian calling you back. Is everything alright with Integra?”

“She’s… I think you should come here. As soon as possible.”

“Has she deteriorated? Is she conscious? What is her condition?”

“She’s… been bitten. Turned.”

“...has she died?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t complete… an emergency transfusion if she’s already passed.”

“Something is wrong! She was turned and was… perfectly conscious. Alert. And then she just collapsed.”

“Seras,” his voice was stern, “I can be there in less than fifteen minutes. There’s a lot we don’t know about… UnDead biology. What room are you in?”

“Her bedroom.”

“Thank you.”

The click of the phone signaled him hanging up.

_Did I do something wrong? Helena declared Integra to be turned. She even drank blood, both Sir Jackson’s and mine._

She reached down to caress Integra’s face, kissing her forehead, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you…” the previous clinical, calm tone left her voice, “I don’t know what I did wrong. Dr. Trevilian will be here soon.”

## July 1999 - Hellsing Mansion

Dismissed from his master, Alucard returned briefly to check on Seras. Her body still, resting. The change had already taken place. The hole in her chest was gone, and her face peaceful. He recalled before she began to rest, her initial (although weak) protests to being put in the blanket.

Integra had already demanded that as soon as she woke to be informed, but even he could not be sure of when that would be, for Rigor Mortis to pass and her joints and mind to be free again. He preferred to slowly drain to prevent such an unpleasant side effect, but the situation had necessitated quickly draining her.

## Now

Red flashed across her vision, and she was surrounded by blood. Coating the walls, the floor. All of it. And _she_ was gone.

She wanted to panic, but she couldn’t. She turned around instead.

“Walter,” the words were a husk. Her butler as she remembered him, before he betrayed her. Standing there, like a reflection of her childhood memories.

Walter smiled, holding his hand out to Integra, “You’re dying, Miss Hellsing.”

“I saved Seras.”

“You did. And you died.”

“I became a vampire.”

Walter frowned slightly, “Did you?”

“I did. I remember it. I saved her. And I was turned.”

“Are you sure?”

Integra returned her hand to her bleeding neck, “What’s happening? Where did...”

“I already told you, you’re dying.”

“I’m already dead! So are you!” she said, flicking her hand to rid it of the blood.

Walter chuckled, “Indeed I am.”

Tears threatened to form in Integra’s eyes, “Where are we?”

“I am with you, even in death.”

“I already _died._ ”

“Death is a slow process. First, the end of breathing and your heart beating. Your mind begins to die. You _begin_ to die. Rigor mortis. You’ve seen people die, Integra. You should know this. This is the blood of all the people you have killed in life.”

Integra looked around again.

“My men.”

Walter nodded.

“London.”

Walter nodded again.

“This is my punishment for my sins?”

“Perhaps.”

Blood came up around him, pulling him back into the endless sea of red. Integra reached for him, to no avail. She took a gander at the area around her. Blood soaked her clothes, coming up around her knees slowly.

“Walter. You can’t leave me. Not again.”

Blood washed over her hand as she reached him, falling from the form it had taken.

“Walter!”

There was nothing for a moment but the endless expanse of rising blood. Arms began to take form in the expanse, reaching upwards towards her. Forming unrecognizable faces, and half-formed bodies.

Integra reached for where her rapier and gun should be, but there was nothing. _Where were they?_ Panic began to set in. There was nowhere to escape. She covered her mouth in an attempt to quell an untimely wave of nausea.

“Shit—” the foul word was slurred by the equally foul, dark, thick blood that came pouring out of her mouth and onto her hand. The taste was familiar, and yet attempts to draw on memory yielded no results.

The blood seemed to have a mind of its own as it joined the blood-ghouls, slowly taking a very deformed but familiar form. Kneeling in the blood, facing away.

“My master, master Integra.”

“Alucard?” she said, trying to reach him. “Alucard!” He was less than two paces away, even closer than where Walter had been. But unlike Walter, the only acknowledgment he provided was her name.

“My blood,” he said absently, “My blood is your blood, fruit of the work of human hands, I feather the nest for my master.” He stood in the blood, unmoving, unaware. Just a sliver of memory, stuck in a moment in time.

“Alucard!”

With no reply, his form lost all meaning, returning to the rising blood. It was at her waist now, restricting her movement. The blood-ghouls were lost in the blood as well.

“Alucard! Walter! Seras!” she cried out, trying to move through it, each time moving nowhere. Getting nowhere. Finding nothing.

## 29 October 2000 12:38 am- Hellsing Mansion

Dr. Trevilian came bursting through the door, assisted by an accompanying Hellsing security guard who pushed a cart in, but promptly left.

“Dr. Trevilian,” she pulled away from Integra.

“How long has it been?”

“A couple hours… at least,” she said.

“Did you not record the time of death? Why didn’t you contact me sooner?” Dr. Trevilian pushed the cart close to the bed, “You’re extraordinarily lucky Integra allows me to keep so much of my equipment on-site. You said she was turned and was UnDead?”

“She… was completely fine. She didn’t mention anything. She drank human blood. She drank _my blood_.”

“Her eye has also been restored,” he said, taking the notebook from the top of the cart to take notes, “Who turned her?”

“I did.”

Dr. Trevilian raised a suspicious eyebrow at Seras, “ _You_ turned _her_? Concerns aside, to my knowledge, vampires can only turn virgins of the opposite sex, Seras. If she was a virgin, it’s possible she didn’t become a ghoul but was not able to become a vampire.”

Seras frowned, she was certain Integra had been turned. Helena had confirmed it. At the bedside, he pulled apart the top of Integra’s shirt slightly, and pressed his stethoscope to Integra’s chest, listening not necessarily for a heartbeat, but for sound of any kind.

“I’m certain she became a vampire.”

His hand pushed aside her hair, looking at the mark on her neck. “Usually, with vampires, and likely ghouls, even though you don’t typically have heartbeats, your body still generates some idle noise. The occasional heartbeat is rare at best, although I have heard it can happen.”

“Can you hear anything?”

“Yes, although it's faint,” he said, “However… it is strange you said that she was alert, and now Rigor Mortis has set in. There is a lot we don’t know about the process of turning. I wasn’t able to come in when you were turned, and no one bothered to record that information.” He looked back at the paper, making another note.

He leaned over into the drawers, opening one of them. “Most of the supplies in this cart for if she was bitten, not for if she was turned.” He pulled items for a blood draw from the drawer, “I’m going to take a sample of blood. If I can.”

“What was the plan if she was bitten?”

“To bleed out the blood that remains, remove the area bitten in surgery, and be transfused with new blood. It’s high-risk, but she told me she would die before becoming UnDead. At least her wound from Cheddar appears to have healed with this. I am still not sure how she managed to avoid needing far more intensive treatment.”

Seras looked at Integra again, still as she was. _Did Integra regret being turned?_ Things had obviously changed, but Dr. Trevilian spoke with such intense conviction.

Taking the needle, he found a vein in her arm and using the syringe, carefully drew the blood up. It was thick, dark, coagulated. Like that of a dead person. He set it on top of the cart in a bag, and pulled the covers of the bed back over her, “There’s nothing else we’ll be able to do but wait.”

Seras nodded.

## 29 October 2000 6:48 am - Hellsing Mansion

As morning neared and Dr. Trevilian checked Integra for change in status a final time, Seras drew the thick curtains of Integra’s room shut, and pulled the sheet up around her.

“I’ll call you if anything changes.”

“Please do. I am human and require sleep, unfortunately.”

Seras nodded, waiting for him to leave.

“Perhaps you can hear me…” She picked Integra up bridal-style, shadows holding her carefully even in the stiffness of her body.

She went down the stairs to where her room was, gently setting her down in the coffin. _Would this be sufficient?_ She removed the sheet, adjusting Integra on the linen as she laid beside her. It felt awkward, strange. _What if Integra was really dead?_

She knew the sun would soon send her off to rest, but she could not shake off the discomfort. It would be fine. She forced herself to smile slightly in an attempt to lift her mood.

“If you never wake up, I don’t know what I’ll do, Integra.”

# Death Upright

_Losing you is what I'm afraid of_

_I need to believe, believe in love_

_Believe In Love - Marina_

## Now

"Integra—"

The voice was familiar, coming from behind her. And she turned to find someone facing her as well. A face so familiar, and yet jarringly wrong. Her face, two blue eyes looking at her.

Her mirror image again, but all wrong. Distorted, almost, and still young, confident, detached. Unaffected by the blood surrounding both of them.

"You again."

She nodded.

“I saw Walter, Alucard. If I am dying… where is Seras?”

“You neglect your father’s lessons, as I said. The blood is memories, perhaps. Vampires… see people’s lives in blood,” she said, “Blood is the life, and brings life to the vampire who gains immortality by drinking human blood… The vampire you are now. Drinking human blood, an affront to God, sinning and sinning, betraying your family, dirtying the Hellsing’s legacy…” _I made so many sacrifices to keep that._

“That’s not right. I’m not…”

“Why do you hate me when I tell you the truth?”

Integra cringed, “I hate myself. I hate you. I hate...”

“And I hate you. Ruining my commitment to the family doctrine—”

“Come off it, there are things more important than… whatever legacy I believed in then. Than pride.”

She narrowed her eyes, “You can’t ignore the family legacy and toss it aside for some blue-eyed girl.”

Integra went still, looking at the other Integra.

“We swore to maintain our maidenhood until we could find a suitable person to have an heir, to continue the legacy, and once we knew of Alucard, to pass that on, too. To honor God, to stay human, to die human. You gave in and became a vampire, abandoning God first in bed and then in death.”

It was so cold, so detached, so painful. As if finding her wounds and pouring salt deep into them. “I… didn’t give in.”

“It was weakness. That same weakness brought you slammed against the side of a van last time, did it not?”

Integra was silent.

“I’m not letting my guard down.”

“That wasn’t Seras.”

“Does it matter? That thing came close to _us_ all the same.”

“I… It’s not. I trust Seras, _we_ can trust Seras.”

_We? No matter._

“No. No more. You let her touch you, and seduce her way onto your…”

“Leave me alone.”

“She’s going to hurt me.”

“If you hate me… Why do _you_ care?”

“We’re going to get hurt. You can’t… we have to stay alone.”

“You have to accept her.”

“We can’t,” she repeated.

“Please. We can trust her.”

“You’re not listening. It’s dangerous.”

She reached for Integra’s shoulder, and for a brief moment Integra swore she saw her office, sans the blood. 

“If she hurts us, I won’t hesitate this time.”

_I can’t hesitate._

“Hesitate?”

_There’s no other choice._

“It’s almost sunset...”

She found herself falling forward into the blood, as it attempted to swallow her whole. She felt a strange sense of calm. Of course. A familiar emotion. Abandonment.

That was the nature of death. _Acceptance._

Loneliness. Regrets. The past. Her choices. Things that could never be undone. She shut her eyes again, letting the blood wash over her, falling into it. At least the bloody tears would not show as she was engulfed.

It was something she had accepted long ago. _When had it been?_ When Alucard had left her? Walter’s betrayal? When her uncle turned on her? When her father died? When her father instilled such rigid guidelines to bring her to success? To claw her way through life, to struggle and do the right thing, to come alone, and alone to die. Always alone.

Integra breathed in.

Except for— _Seras._

How had she forgotten?

The foolish girl taken by the devil and brought to her.

_Where was Seras? Had she left too?_

Integra’s thoughts were filled with thoughts of Seras. Warmth filled her, even in the cool blood around her. Integra felt oddly vulnerable and opened her eyes. The blood was gone. Seras was here.

## 29 October 2000 5:05 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Seras wasn’t sure when she had stilled, but she was _very_ aware when something moved beside her and woke her. A sound similar to a wheeze.

“Seras—” a thrash, followed by arms grabbing her, “I love you.”

“Integra! You’re awake.”

“I’ve turned… haven’t I? I’m a vampire now?”

“Yes?”

“How long have I been… resting?”

“All day. You… went still last night.”

“You brought me home?”

Seras nodded, although turned her head, “You don’t… remember?”

“I came… to that library. You were… injured,” her hand flew to Seras’s chest to find it whole and sighed in relief, “I… I don’t remember anything after you bit me. I love you, Seras. I love you.”

“You,” Seras brought Integra’s hand to her cheek, “Integra… I love you, too. But you don’t remember?”

“Did I hurt you?”

“No,” she said, looking down, “I... You didn’t hurt me, Integra.”

“What happened?”

Seras found red filling her vision, and Integra’s thumb running across her cheek.

“You’re crying.”

“You didn’t hurt me. You—I thought you _died_ died. You were… up initially then we got home… and you fell over. Rigor mortis and everything.”

“You were the same when Alucard brought you to the mansion.”

“I,” she said, “You stopped me. I killed Blasius. Gold. Gold is what killed it.” Her body was still as if she was calm, but the tension was betrayed by the quivering of her voice, “Pip sustained damage during the attack, but I think... he’ll be back soon. The seal… is... Sir Jackson tried to have both of us arrested… You killed Sir Jackson. Do you remember anything?”

Integra shook her head, “I killed… Sir Jackson.”

“We spoke to the other,” she finally broke into a soft sob, “The other vampire, Helena. She’s my friend… an acquaintance from before London.”

“Did she survive?”

“No—” she bit her own lip, hard, to try to stop the quivering.

Integra pulled her into an embrace, “You can cry, Seras. I don’t remember, but I can imagine.”

Seras nodded, hiding her face in Integra’s neck. “She helped me. She showed me how vampires were enslaved. She gave me a book about another vampire. Possenti—the vampire Blasius had. We saved Jackson’s guards… and took the van from Penwood and Lawson and came back home.”

Integra ran her hand through Seras’s hair. _This is what she had wanted, wasn’t it? Not to be alone, to have someone to depend on. To not be afraid._ And to think she could bestow the same kindness on Seras—it would have made her heart race if it beat. Seras slowly relaxed again into Integra’s hold.

“You were… awake and alert. The whole way home. We came home,” she laughed uncomfortably, attempting to shake away the gloom that was as oppressive as the coffin would be to a living human. She had never experienced such a thing, but she had a better grasp on the discomfort of the ‘the morning after.’ “We showered… you bit me, and the shower wasn’t the only thing that got steamy.”

She could feel Integra’s hand briefly freeze in her hair, “We… had sex.”

“I’m sorry,” Seras wasn't sure what the need to apologize came from—knowing Integra’s discomfort with the subject, or feeling like she had somehow taken advantage of Integra. There were so many details, emotions caught up in the memory. The gentleness, the softness of the words between them that felt tainted now. She knew Integra had meant them in the moment, but to know she did not remember the exchange made her heart ache.

 _Had she done something to hurt Seras?_ “It’s not your fault I don’t remember.”

"Afterwards you… I left to get clothes, and when I came back you just fell over. You… were dead to the world. I called Dr. Trevilian.”

Integra nodded, running her hand through Seras’s hair again.

“His assessment will be on the cart. It’s still in your room.”

“I’d like to see it,” she said, “I’d like to have him evaluate me again… And I’d like to remember.” She used her free arm to push the lid off the coffin again, kissing Seras’s forehead as she pulled away. She noted the set of bite marks on Seras's neck, running her fingers across them, "Did I leave those?"

"Yes."

Integra looked at them thoughtfully. An uncharacteristic thought filled her as she looked at them. _Mine_. Seras leaned into the touch, "I'll show you where his notes are. And I want to make sure you don't... fall out again.


	4. Temperance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In all things, there is a balance. Take the middle road- it will not lead you astray. [source](https://thearcanagame.fandom.com/wiki/Tarot_Deck)  
> 

_I've put my money where my mouth is_

_For the first time in my life_

_I've made mistakes, but I believe that_

_Everything was worth the fight_

_'Cause in the end, the road is long_

_But only 'cause it makes you strong_

_Forget - Marina_

## 29 October 2000 5:27 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Seras was practically aglow when soft lips pressed against her forehead, and relief flowed through her. Even without the memories, the change in demeanor remained. The lessened fears, the lessened shame.

Seras followed suit, “I wonder if it’s normal for after being turned… to do that. Not remember.”

“I don’t know and I don’t remember. I had the strangest dream…”

“I had a dream too. Before I… woke up.”

“What was… you dream like?”

Seras tried to recall for a moment, “I… I was being chased by my fellow officers? I don’t remember particularly well. It was really goofy. And then I saw Alucard, and then I woke up and was _voluntold_ into Hellsing.”

“Alucard specifically requested you not be ‘dealt with.’”

Seras fang peaked over her lip as she bit it lightly, reminiscing. “What was your dream about?”

_Red._

_Red._

_So much red._

_Herself, filled with red and fear._

_Abandonment._

_Alone._

She felt Seras shake her shoulder, “Integra. Please don’t fall out again.”

“Lost in thought.”

“Was the dream bad?”

“I don’t know.”

“I really wish I knew more about… vampire turning,” Seras bit back her lip again, thinking, “But, if you want to talk about it...”

“Not yet. You said Dr. Trevilian’s report is in my room, correct?”

“Yes. Oh! He wanted me to call him as soon as your status changed. I used your emergency phone.”

“I’d like to look at the report first.”

Seras nodded, and followed Integra to the door and up the stairs.

“So, besides killing Sir Jackson… and your vampire friend, what else should I know?”

“I think you should read the book Helena gave me. I told you… yesterday? The days are all fuzzy to me now. We can’t allow more vampires to be enslaved. I read Dracula, Integra. I was bound by the same seal,” she held her hand over her chest, “It saved me from Blasius, but Integra, I heard Abraham’s voice. The seal hurt me. Controlled me.”

Integra stopped at the landing, “Drinking my blood broke the seal, right?”

Seras nodded, “and Alucard’s blood was in your blood. I became a true vampire… from drinking your blood. I don’t know why it didn’t happen the first time I drank your blood… we talked about it before. That’s why I panicked when the sun rose.”

Integra paused, hand going to her mouth, “Alucard’s blood….”

“I’m free now,” they reached Integra’s door, Seras pushing it open. 

The door opened, and Integra went to the cart, pulling the notebook and paper to look at, and the phone beside it.

“12:40 am, this morning. I assume I collapsed… last night, then?”

“Yes.”

Integra flipped open the phone, calling Trevilian’s phone, which was promptly answered by a feminine voice that was definitely not Dr. Trevilian.

“Dr. Trevilian is in procedure right now. How can I help you?”

“This is… Integra with the Hellsing Organization. Could you please have him call back?”

“Of course. A message?”

“Just my name. That I have a follow up with him. It’s not an emergency.”

“Alright. I’ll have him give you a call back.”

Integra set the phone back in her pajama’s pocket. “He’s busy.”

Seras nodded, “He wasn’t sure you had been turned.”

“We are both,” Integra said, turning her head slightly while looking at the report a second time, “Female. I should be a ghoul.”

“I don’t know,” Seras said, “I... Alucard’s blood was already in yours. Maybe that’s why. Helena confirmed you had been turned properly. You drank Jackson’s blood when you… killed him.”

Integra tried to recall again. Flashes of memory, _loneliness,_ followed by flashes of blood, _hunger_. “I need to remember.”

“It might come back to you, Integra,” she said.

Integra nodded, hand going to instinctually push non-existent glasses up her nose. “I killed someone, I need to remember to give my report.”

“Sir Penwood and Lawson will be happy to help, I’m sure.”

“ _Why_ did I kill him?”

Seras sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. “He… threatened to take over Hellsing. To replace it.”

Integra let out a soft groan of irritation, rubbing her temples, “I see.”

“You drank his blood, and we saved his men from Helena’s burning… library.”

“I remember the books. I remember, Penwood and Lawson were outside.”

Seras nodded.

“You’re sure you’re alright, Seras?”

“It’s a lot to process,” she reached a single hand up to grab Integra’s and pull her closer, “I’m just trying to be grateful that we made it out. Together.”

“We did,” she said, “I’m sorry… that it took this. We could have defeated Blasius the first time if I had trusted you.”

“Do you regret being turned? You told me you didn’t, but Dr. Trevilian… specified your plans to avoid being turned. That you would bleed yourself out before being turned so that he could reverse it.”

“I gave you my blood. To save you. I don’t regret… that. I regret…” Integra came closer, her other hand going Seras’s shoulder. She just stayed there for a moment, interlacing their fingers. “I regret many things.”

Seras nodded, pulling Integra’s hand to her lips. Integra seemed so _different._ Like the guard between them was gone. “Are you sure… you’re alright?”

“Tired. I’ll have to wait for Dr. Trevilian to call back.”

“It’s night. You’ll find it hard to rest.”

“I need to get a coffin,” Integra said factually.

“You mentioned that already,” Seras said, “Mine is still available, if you’re still interested.”

“Did I?”

“Yes. You brought it up,” she said.

“I’d still like to have my own.”

“I suppose you’re lucky you were born here.”

“I don’t know how specific the dirt has to be… neither did Alucard, to be completely honest.”

“The ‘dirt of your birthplace,’” Seras said, head resting on Integra’s chest, “That’s what you said. Mine was from near my childhood home, right?”

“Yes.”

“Vampirism isn’t science… I wish Alucard or Helena were here. So we had answers, at least.”

Integra nodded, leaning into Seras’s hold further, her arms loosely draped over her, “This feels nice.”

Seras shut her eyes, “I’m glad.”

 _I don’t have to be alone anymore._ “I think I should talk about my dream.”

“You should, or you want to?” Seras mumbled, hand running through Integra’s hair. She was thankful for Integra’s newfound vulnerability and trust.

“I want to.”

Seras let out a soft sound, snuggling against the soft fabric of Integra’s shirt.

“I… know I told you before, accepting my feelings for you.”

Seras nodded, looking intently up to meet Integra’s gaze.

“In the dream. I saw…” she let out a sigh, hand going to Seras’s cheek, “I saw… memories. The death I caused. People… I saw myself?”

“Yourself?”

“Me…” Integra echoed, “I saw myself. From other’s memories, I believe. But...”

“But?”

“It wasn’t right. She… It… I wasn’t like the other memories. We talked about you.”

“Me.”

Integra shut her eyes, running a hand through Seras’s hair, “I’m still struggling to accept it, Seras. I... I feel so afraid, still. I know I promised not to be afraid, and I accepted you. But I’m still afraid. Of what this means. How to love, Seras. I don’t know how. I know I love you.”

Seras hummed, “Integra. There is no guide or ‘right’ way, at least that I’m aware of.” She kissed Integra’s hand, “You’ve let me so close. Two weeks ago, you wouldn’t even let me hug you, Integra. A lot has happened. I loved you then. And now.”

“I… spent the past year, and since you joined Hellsing avoiding you. Avoiding feelings. I’m sorry I constantly pulled you close and pushed you away.”

“Integra.”

“You trust me,” Integra said, “Why? I know… I know we discussed it before. But now that you’re free from the seal. You still trust me.”

“I... Integra. I know you see things as right and wrong. I don’t. You did things that hurt me. You returned for me. I know you didn’t intend to leave me to starve. I… am still making sense of the seals. It _still_ hurts to think about,” she kissed Integra’s wrist, “But all I—we—can do is move forward. As we always have. Together, this time.”

“Together,” Integra leaned in further to kiss Seras, and Seras met her kiss. Integra felt so warm when she sunk against Seras, pushing her back into bed. “I promise.”

“Integra,” Seras managed, shocked at the suddenness.

“I’ feel I’ve been holding back for so long…”

“Don’t hold back.”

Integra kissed Seras again, hands keeping herself carefully propped up above Seras. “We… did ‘this’ the other night, didn’t we.”

“Yes… You really can’t remember…? You said the same things, to be honest.”

“Perhaps it bears repeating, then,” she kissed Seras again, this time her hands wandered more easily, slipping across Seras’s chest and body, just cherishing the feeling of closeness.

“Integra,” she relaxed against the bed.

“Yes?”

“Can we just keep doing this?”

Integra nodded, kissing Seras again. 

## 29 October 2000 10:32 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Integra’s movements were briefly frenzied as she broke from Seras’s embrace to grab the ringing phone. Seras yelped in response to the jostling, disentangling herself from Integra, slightly less frenzied.

"Integra..."

“Sir Integra, Hellsing Organization—”

“Sir Hellsing!"

“Dr. Trevilian," she relaxed slightly.

“I didn’t expect to hear your voice. I had an unexpected call-in for an emergency procedure. I did want to discuss the blood test with Seras, but since you’re…” he chuckled, “Alive. Or not. I think it would be best to discuss it with you.”

“What of it?”

“I sent it to forensics. The blood could not be tested completely as being any type. The lab was… confused to say the least. They decided ‘AB+ inconclusive.’ I am interested to take a look at the remaining sample in comparison to a deceased individual’s blood, as well as Seras’s, with your permission.”

“Perhaps,” Integra said, “What was done with the sample?”

“I have it.”

“I would prefer it not move hands more than necessary.”

“Of course. I agree. I’d like to drop by while it is still night, to make sure you are awake. I can drop by in about half an hour, and check you over, and drop off your death certificate, if you still want it.”

“I will see you then. Thank you, Dr. Trevilian.”

“My pleasure, Sir Hellsing.”

Integra set down the phone, returning to Seras, who was still laying back on the bed. Calm and rather content, foot going to poke Integra's leg.

“Dr. Trevilian?”

“He’ll be here soon. I need to dress… properly.”

“How soon?”

“Half an hour.”

“We still have time.”

Integra let out a soft sigh, “I’d rather Trevilian… not know about this.”

“I… see.”

“Seras. If people know, I could lose my position. The like.”

“It’s your organization. You make the rules.”

“And I work for the Queen.”

Seras deflated slightly, disappointed but understanding, “I see. I’ll go… inform the guards at the gate of his arrival. I forgot when I called the first time.”

“Thank you,” Integra adjusted her shirt, disappearing into the bathroom to change.

## —

Dr. Trevilian arrived in a less frantic matter this time.

“I rarely hand people their death certificates, Sir Hellsing. I’ve never had someone thank me for it,” he chcuckled, setting the certificate and the thin pile of medical paperwork on her desk.

Integra sat back against her chair. “Things will have to change. Now that I’m a vampire. I’m going to continue to employ you, obviously. There’s a lot I have to follow up on. Research you’ll be involved in since we have my prior medical records.”

“I was curious, by the way. My understanding is it requires a vampire of the opposite sex to create new vampires, on a virgin human. Seras was the one who drank your blood, correct?”

“As it was mine.”

“This changes things, doesn’t it? Was it a limitation of Alucard’s seals?”

Integra sighed, “There is no way to find out. I’d prefer to limit the creation of new vampires, for obvious reasons.”

“How are you feeling? Any new…. Abilities, besides your eye of course. Thoughts. Side effects, if you will? Enhanced strength, abilities.”

“I haven’t... tried yet,” Integra picked up a pen from her desk, bending and snapping it with complete ease, the ink spilling out on the desk table, and her eyes widened slightly. “I assume eventually blood-lust will return, and I will inform you of any other abilities, changes.”

“Indeed. I understand you have consumed blood at this point?”

“Yes.”

“Seras was very concerned when she reached out to me,” he said, “I am surprised, still, that you allowed yourself to be turned.”

“It was a decision made on impulse. I don’t regret it now, but I do wish it could have been made under better circumstances.”

“I suppose,” Dr. Trevilian said, taking the report from the desk, “I need to return home. I have appointments tomorrow. Feel free to leave a detailed message, or write your own documentation.”

“Indeed,” Integra said, reclining back against the chair, “I will contact you if necessary.”

“Enjoy your evening, Sir Integra,” he said, leaving.


	5. The Hermit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hermit knows the value of silence and embraces it in all things. Look inside yourself for the answers you seek. Take time for introspection in the days ahead. [but] Be wary of retreating too far within your own mind. Others still have valuable things to share. [source](https://thearcanagame.fandom.com/wiki/Tarot_Deck)  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a 3rd- this where the divergence from the original posting begins, and a bit shorter of a chapter, so I figure I'd tack it on <3 thank you again, to you all for your support.

_Don't wanna talk anymore_

_I'm obsessed with silence_

_I go home and I lock my door_

_I can hear the sirens_

_Solitaire - Marina_

## November 2000 - Romania

Travel would never be simple for vampires, even the most powerful ones. And that rang true for her, too. Traveling to see Helena would eventually become necessary, given the lack of reply, despite her avoidance. Things to be done, loose ends to tie up. To know whether it was true that the promise had been broken, and to place her things—items that would soon be relics and artifacts. Though, she supposed they already were given that she was already dead.

Letters, journals, small boxes and bags all packed neatly into a suitcase. It was hard to believe she had returned here by choice after decades spent captive against her will here, and now she dreaded departing. A stereotype of vampires she had come to embrace, being alone and solitarty by choice. And in Dracula’s castle, no less. Reclaiming the walls that had once housed the evil count and (most of) his victims. Including her.

## 6 November 2000 8:58 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Integra shut the book. The smell of smoke had not faded to her still newly-hypersensitive senses. Connections were finally made, of the nature of seals, Possenti’s strange behavior and response to her. She wondered briefly if that is how people saw her and Alucard. The similarities in tales, although the Passionist’s written to warn the UnDead of the Living.

She had promised Seras to complete it. And now she had, in the week following the events. She would have to inquire to her Iscariot contact of the Catholic Church’s connection to Gabriel. The Chi-Rho symbol, as her report had concluded, was connected to Catholicism. The report had been illuminating to the events both forgotten and whilst she was incapacitated, and Lawson had still proved extremely helpful in organizing a clear timeline of events. The detailed report to be provided to the Convention, of course, redacted of Helena and citing Seras’s instinct. She looked at the briefing paragraph, followed by the copies of her death certificate to be passed out. At least there was one more day until the meeting.

She stood, taking the book with her to the basement, beyond the initial level to the Hellsing vault. The basement had become more familiar, safer. An understanding, comfort in the darkness. But part of her still feared the sublevels. Not their darkness, but something worse. She opened the door. Some things would always be more frightening than darkness. It had not been that long since she had retrieved Dracula from the vault.

She continued down the stairs to the the Hellsing Vault and the room with Alucard’s coffin. The spaces where his taming had happened. The darkest parts of Hellsing’s history. _And her own_ , a stray thought reminded her.

She pushed the door open, going down the last couple steps. The one part of the mansion that had always remained the same. The stairs finally ended as she reached the bottom. Without the need for light, she stepped forward. The Hellsing vault was familiar, well-visited. Her father had shown it to her once, and she returned Helena’s book to it. She looked down the hall, where a final, short flight of stairs and a door remained. Unvisited and avoided. She could not pull her eyes away this time.

Her hand remained on the doorknob, even though the door had shut. The vision was familiar. Like her nightmares. Frozen in time, for a moment. Unable to escape, unable to cry, unable to respond.

And then she released her hand and walked back up the stairs.

Or at least, she was sure she did. She looked down. She was farther down. A couple of steps and a door separating her from that room. Her hand went to her face, even more surprised to find blood there. She stared at her shaking hand, the blood on it still fresh. This was familiar. The blood was not, but the calmness accompanied by silent tears.

Always silent, unexpected. What couldn’t be heartbreak, what couldn’t be tears sprung forth from fear. Choked back and silenced as swiftly as they came. The same cycle. Again. Again. _Again._ Part of her crying out for help, part of her prepared to remove the threat as quickly as possible. But there was no threat. There was nothing to be saved from.

Another drop hit her hand as she stared down at it. Her vision blurred red from the tears, and her hand clenched, forming a fist. And then the distress faded. Washing away until it was gone. She dropped her hand back to her side, wiping it on her pant leg. She would have to put them to wash, but it didn't matter. She felt a calmness wash over her once more and turned to walk back up the stairs, stealing a final glance at the door.

Integra carefully checked her face for remnants of blood or tears before walking around the mansion in an attempt to relieve the leftover tension. Seras would certainly return from her trip outside the mansion and notice _something_ , but at least the two guards that passed her, and with a quick salute, did not seem to notice that she was too out of sorts. She finally stopped, returning through the halls to an upper floor, venturing out to a balcony. The dark night above and stars looking down at her. The courtyard, trees, and in the visible distance, the glow of London.

A hand touched her arm, and she looked up to see a very casually-dressed Seras. A vision of soft pastels, bright despite the darkness.

“You’re back already?”

“I just had a few places I wanted to go,” Seras sighed, “You should come with me next time. What have you been up to?”

“Perhaps. I finished the Passionist.”

“And I was also... able to go pay respects to Helena one last time.”

Integra nodded.

“Do you think we made the right choice? Letting it all burn?”

“That was her wish, wasn’t it?”

“All those books. Whatever cumulative knowledge…” Seras sighed, “It did all burn, as she wished, I suppose.”

“Perhaps to keep them from falling into the wrong hands.”

Seras nodded, thinking for a moment. She sat in the chair beside Integra, “What are you doing out here, anyway.”

“Relaxing. Trying to.”

“Something’s on your mind.”

“Something is always on my mind, Seras.”

Seras shrugged, reaching for Integra’s hand to hold, intertwining their fingers. Integra let out a soft sigh, squeezing her hand back.

“The meeting is tomorrow, isn’t it?”

Integra nodded.

“Are you telling them?”

“Of course. I don’t have a choice. They’ll have questions, I’m sure. They always do,” she let go of her hand, placing it back on her knee.

Seras sighed, glancing at her empty hand, “I’ll be there. And Penwood won’t let them disrespect you, either. I know… a lot happened, but I’m sure they’ll listen.”

“I hope so,” Integra stood, “I’m… going to go finish my work.”

Seras frowned at Integra’s swift exit, and back at her bags. At least clothing shopping was done. And the few other things she had gotten on her errand run, including a new tarot deck to replace the one she had lost at some point prior to joining Hellsing.

She tried to shake the feeling, going downstairs to their now shared room. Where Integra’s own coffin sat beside hers. Simple, wooden, lined with linen and dirt like her own. She sighed, de-tagging and tossing the new clothes in the hamper and putting the rest of the items, sans the tarot deck at the bottom of the closet. She took the deck, going down to the sublevels, all the way to where Alucard’s coffin was. It felt right. That if not the deck, she could talk to Alucard. Or his coffin, in this case. It was a habit she had acquired right after his disappearance, and then lost a few months later.

The stool she had put down there was still there. She sighed, sitting on it and looking at the coffin.

“So much has happened…”

She opened the deck up, sighing softly to herself and looking back at the coffin.

“I wish you were here, still. I know you aren’t my master anymore. And neither is Integra. There’s so much I didn’t and don’t know, still,” she choked back a sob, “I don’t understand anything, it seems. It’s finally sinking in that Helena’s gone. And that means that maybe you’re really gone, too.”

She shuffled the colorful deck, taking the cards with intention and placing 3, face down on the coffin lid. She inhaled, putting the rest of the cards in the box and setting it on the coffin as well.

“I wonder if you knew I used to do things like this. I haven’t done them… in so long. But I want answers. Something. If not from you, from something...”

“Past.” _The Moon._

“Present.” _Eight of wands, reversed._

“Future.” _The Tower._

She flipped through the pamphlet.

 **The past.** _“....your fears and illusions… you are projecting fear into your present and your future…”_

 **The present.** _“...Things are not going the right way, they’re not changing...”_

 **The Future.** _“...massive change, upheaval, destruction and chaos…”_

Seras sighed, “Haven’t things been destroyed enough…”

She grabbed another card.

_The Devil._

_“... but there’s always a way out of even the darkest places…”_

She sighed, looking at the cards, setting them back. “I just want to be happy. For Integra to be happy. Do you think…” She stopped herself. “She trusts me now… I think. But she doesn’t trust herself.”

She gathered the cards, putting them back in their box, placing them in her pocket, and standing.

“She’s adjusting to being a vampire, at least… I don’t want any more destruction…” She smiled, rubbing her eyes to clear them of potential tears, looking at the brick where his seal remained, still bloody. “I’ll have to talk about it again, eventually.”

She walked back up the stairs, the sense of defeat from her earlier conversation with Integra still looming over her. That look that she shot her was so distrustful. So frustrated.


	6. Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "[T]he Judgement Tarot card can indicate that you and/or someone you care about are being judged too harshly by others [...] Judgement upright can represent a legal matter or court case being resolved. If you have acted honourably and told the truth, this matter should be resolved in your favour. If you have been dishonest, don’t expect things to go your way. You need to clear your conscience and try to make amends for your misdeeds.  
> [source](https://www.thetarotguide.com/judgement)  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more... I promise this time.

_Now I got your back up_

_What do you not like_

_Do you think I'm stuck-up_

_'Cause I'm always picking fights_

_You might think I'm one thing,_

_But I am another_

_You can't call my bluff_

_Time to back off, motherfucker_

_Can’t Pin Me Down - Marina_

## 1994 - Hellsing Mansion

The voices of older men echoed on the walls, along with the air tainted with expensive tobacco and excessive cologne. The few open windows to the night sky unable to completely air out the stench but allowing at least some cool air in.

“She threw her drink at my son. How can you expect her to run an organization if she can’t even retain her composure at simple social events?”

“And that _thing_ she parades around.”

“—she’s too hot-headed.”

“I agree. And she’s seventeen. It was a grievous mistake to let her on the Convention so young several years ago.”

Sir Penwood sighed, “There’s no one more suited, or who has the inheritance. You forget...”

“You should know of all people, her father was never—”

Without nearly enough time for Penwood or anyone else to remind the rest of the Convention of her father’s actions, the door opened and silence fell across them. Integra in a more comfortable suit than the evening’s prior attire entering the room, and an accompanying Walter. And fully aware of the conversation being had about her. She crossed the room, setting her hand on the back of the chair to pull it back, and broke the silence.

“Good evening.”

“What did my son do to deserve to be humiliated by you?”

Integra glared. She could not openly speak her aversion to courtship, and the collection of gazes upon her only served to increase the pressure to behave more properly. Even Walter had chastised her for her apparent lack of social graces. That she was too serious, too harsh. But she must also lead her organization. Take on the role of serious leadership. Have a facade of steel and make hard decisions.

Anger under pressure turning to vindictive rage. The same pressure built in her jaw with her teeth clenched. She wished she had a cigar in hand to break. Or another glass to throw. Or break.

“My apologies. It was a slip of my hand.”

## 7 November 2000 10:45 pm - Penwood’s Estate

Zachary Penwood had suggested the meeting to the Convention to avoid arousing suspicion by convening a meeting at such a late hour and by convening the meeting at his own estate. And it was a perfectly fitting evening. A nearly full moon in the sky, and cool autumn air. Integra had arrived a full half-hour prior to the scheduled meeting to meet with both Penwood and Lawson, who had spent the past several days outside of the Hellsing estate, staying at Penwood’s estate.

“The hospital was dealt with, as your disappearance raised quite the alarm with the staff.”

“Thank you again, Penwood. I’m grateful that you are also willing to deliver the news of Sir Jackson’s… death.”

“I am still surprised you spared his guards’ lives, to be frank,” he said.

Integra adjusted her tie again. Her attire remained the same, but she had removed the silver tie pin, exchanging it for an older gold non-cross one that would not burn her. The irony was bitter and not lost on her.

Seras spoke before Integra could, voice solemn, “They were just following orders…” _I was just following orders._

## 1999 - Rio De Janeiro, Brazil

“Seras. Prepare for battle.”

“But…”

“Seras, what’s the matter? Get a move on.”

“But… master…” her voice still shook as she took careful steps towards him. She hated the blood and gore beneath her feet, the way it called to her, “...they’re humans.”

“So what?”

“They’re humans.”

“And so what, Draculina?” the grip on her shirt was tight, frightening. His voice was stern, “When someone is firing at you, it doesn't matter if they’re human or not. They came here simply to be killed, slaughtered, and sent to their graves where they can rot. That’s all. That’s all this is. There’s no getting around it. It is the one truth nobody can deny… not God, the devil, or you.”

She trembled again, “But… even so, they…”

His gaze softened slightly, “That’s just the way it is. They…”

“Master…”

He had already turned away, “Come on Seras, follow me into the darkness, you little scared cat.”

## 7 November 2000 10:55 pm - Penwood’s Estate

“I am not as ruthless as rumors would lead you to believe.” The latter, of course, heavily influenced by Seras’s presence and London. The willingness to forgive those uninvolved. That no unnecessary sacrifices be made. Perhaps a respect for life from the loss of her own. She looked at Seras again. And Seras wasn’t wrong, either. Perhaps that is why she had decided to save those guards: they were just following orders. A 'whim.' She pulled her gaze away from the blue doe eyes that met hers, “And I would prefer not to explain more deaths than necessary. And nothing yet has come of their survival.”

“That is Hellsing’s responsibility. I can only speak to the media control, and the military’s response.”

“I am aware,” she bristled slightly at the implication that she did not understand her duty.

A knock at the door interrupted them, and Integra returned the shaded spectacles to her face. While her eyes had returned to blue, there was no precaution spared to conceal her nature for the time being.

“Come in,” Sir Penwood sat back in his chair, and Integra’s stiff posture returned. Seras removed herself from the 12th seat to stand behind Integra although it remained empty; she watched as Integra’s usual mask returned. Lawson stood as well, although to go stand guard by the door. The various members of the Convention shuffled in one at a time and to their seats, the room quickly filling with the smell of pride, anxiety, and regret. When Sir Walsh finally settled in his chair, she looked to and waited for Penwood to speak.

He straightened the pile of papers in front of him, “Gentlemen. Lady… Ladies. I have gathered you all here to discuss the incidents in Cheddar, I’m sure you have all read Sir Hellsing’s, Officer Lawson’s, and my report on them. The threats were dealt with by both Sir Hellsing and Officer Victoria, clearing her name of all charges,” he opened a folder, pulling some packets out. “Please pass one down.”

“The threat attacked and set fire to a house on the borders of London, which is consistent with their previous attacks. Sir Jackson was present and did not survive the fire. His funeral will be tomorrow,” He exhaled, letting the sound of papers being shuffled continue for a moment longer, “Sir Hellsing did not survive either.” He pulled the copy of Integra’s death certificate, holding it up.

It took a moment for the words to settle in, and the Convention’s youngest member, Allen Tickner’s mouth shot open first, looking straight at Integra, “Sir Hellsing is-”

Integra pulled the glasses away from her face, in rather dramatic fashion, revealing eyes that flicked red, “A vampire.”

“How did—”

“What—”

“Turned into—”

The bombardment had been expected, but not the chaos as the voices of the younger and older members of the Convention began speaking over each other with increasing volume until it became futile to answer any of their questions.

“Silence!” Integra stood, and she could feel Seras’s lingering presence beside her, pulling the chair back all the way to keep it from being knocked over. “Hellsing remains. I am a vampire now, but my duty to protect England continues. It does not matter how, only that I was turned.”

“How do we know you won’t use your organization to conceal… vampiric activity. To allow such creatures to run wild, terrorizing our citizens as the imposter in Cheddar did before his apprehension and destruction.”

“The way Hellsing has eliminated threats, vampiric and _otherwise_ remains the same. A stronger, more powerful vampire is the simplest and easiest way to dispose of—”

“Are you trying to replace Alucard?”

“I am not,” she said, “I am merely stating our organization’s methods. Hellsing went without Alucard for over twenty years under my father, and what the Hellsing family went through a century ago does not need to be repeated.”

“Sir Hellsing, the report says you had unauthorized access to the jail to retrieve Officer Seras Victoria, and then Officer Lawson.”

Integra remained standing, “Unauthorized? Both are members of my organization, and Sir Jackson unlawfully imprisoned the latter of the two. I am the one who had Officer Seras Victoria put into custody.” She placed her hand on the table, “The only unauthorized actions are those that were taken while I was incapacitated. If there are any other pertinent concerns, please address them now.”

“Did you not have an argument with Sir Jackson about the-” Sutton lifted the papers.

“Care for my subordinates?" she corrected, "the manner in which my personal orders were not followed? The passing on of my organization in the future?”

Sutton was silent, and Sir Irons, at the head of the table, adjusted the stack of papers, “We will have to elect a new knight onto the Round Table.”

“Indeed.”

Integra returned to sitting, thankful the conversation was moving on from her and the Hellsing Organization.

## 8 November 2000 2:34 am - Penwood Estate

The last of the elder members slowly exited.

“That was not nearly as bad as it could have been,” Seras smiled.

Lawson sighed, and Penwood sank back in his chair, “we’ll still have to select a new member.”

“Indeed.”


	7. Wheel Of Fortune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wheel of Fortune reminds you that the wheel is always turning and life is in a state of constant change. If you’re going through a difficult time rest assured that it will get better from here. Good luck and good fortune will make their return in time. Similarly, if things are going well, know this, too, will change and life may return to ‘normal’ soon. This cycle shows why it is so important to cherish the blissful moments in your life and make the most of them while they are within reach – because in a flash they could be gone. The Wheel of Fortune is also known as the wheel of karma and reminds you that ‘what goes around comes around.'  
> [source](https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/major-arcana/wheel-of-fortune/)  
> 

_I'm in love with a fairytale_

_Even though it hurts_

_Cause I don't care if_

_I lose my mind_

_I'm already cursed_

_Fairytale - Alexander Ryback_

## 8 November 2000 7:13 am - Hellsing Mansion

“You should join me,” Seras ran her hands up Integra’s arms, bare from changing into night, or in her case now, day clothes for resting. Integra shut her eyes, enjoying the touch as Seras wrapped her arms around her and rested her head on her back.

She had her own coffin now, yes, but she found Seras still drawing her to rest in hers at dawn. She did not mind, either, and if not for her own sake, Seras’s. She turned, ruffling Seras’s hair. “I think I will.” She wanted to forget about the meeting, the events of the evening. Get lost in her dreams, and find comfort as she laid with Seras.

## 8 November 2000 6:03 pm - Hellsing Mansion

_I’m alone. All alone. It’s the daytime. Integra isn’t here. The silver cuffs. All alone. Alone. Integra’s not coming back. I’m hungry. I’m tired. Where is Integra? Alucard? Pip?_

The voices of the seal had returned once more: angry, foreign, and warning. Echoes.

_‘Stay here.’_

_‘Don’t come out.’_

_‘Stay here.’_

_I can’t move. I can’t move. I’m stuck._

_Nosferatu._

_Nosferatu Seras._

_**Nosferatu.** _

Panic overwhelming her and volume increasing with each echo.

_Please. Let go of me. Free me._

Her eyes flew open, streams of blood going from a trickle of tears becoming a full-blown hemorrhage coming from her eyes.

_I can’t move. I can’t move._

Seras’s body was stiff, unmoving. She could see Integra in her reddened line of sight.

_Don’t leave me. I stayed. I stayed. I was good. I was a good servant. I belong._

Integra’s body was slowly waking beside Seras, the sun already set. Seras saw as Integra’s eyes opened, looking at her and the flowing forth of bloody tears.

“Seras,” she reached for Seras’s body which wracked with soft sobs, “Seras. You’re safe.”

“I’m…”

“You’re good. The seal is broken.”

“I’m…” Seras moved, hands finding purchase on Integra’s shirt.

“You’re free, Seras.”

Seras seemed to relax after a moment of trembling hands clutching her shirt. “Integra…” She released her grip to push away the tears, bloody smears, and puddles slowly absorbing back into her shadows slowly.

Integra caressed her face, pushing blonde strands behind her ears to look at her more intently. “I’m sorry, Seras.”

Seras hid her face in Integra’s shoulder, clinging to her again. Integra ran her hand through her hair, hand eventually settling on her neck, massaging near where the marks were. Seras relaxed instantly, making a soft noise, mouthing Integra’s throat near the marks. An unexpected sting followed, and Integra made a contrastingly not-soft noise, a mix of pain, and to her shock, pleasure.

“Seras.”

Seras made another soft noise, digging her fangs in deeper, not yet drinking but just biting down, latching herself to her. Integra stopped touching the marks on her neck.

“ _Seras_ ,” the words were half-whine, half-gasp.

This time, it seemed to get attention as she released her grip, still pliant and rendered blissful from the massage of her marks by her— _her mate_ —mate? No matter. “Mm… Integra M’sorry… I just…”

“Instinct?” her voice trying to stay even as warmth flowed through her, focused first in the neck and pooling in her chest.

Seras hummed in response, clinging to Integra again, although not biting this time. “Something like that… I feel all warm now.”

“...we should get up.”

“We should,” although Seras made no move to do so. And neither did Integra, pressing a kiss to Seras’s forehead, glancing at the marks on her neck with her own urge to return the bite.

## 16 November 2000 8:13 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Integra sifted through the papers, “Come look at this.”

“What is it?”

“A letter.”

Seras took the paper, skimming over the clear, smooth cursive penmanship.

“It was addressed to Helena’s address, but as the building no longer exists, a member of the council sent it to me.”

**A Letter addressed to Helena, postmarked from Romania, 8 November 2000**

_Helena,_

_It appears my correspondence has not reached you in some time — I do hope this letter reaches you well. I am still deeply concerned with the contents of your previous letters, and have had sufficient time to consider the situation you have described to me. I am still unsure of the path forward, but I do intend to take the first steps soon enough, as I have not traveled as punctually as I expected._

_Peace and rest,_

_The Countess_

## —

“Did Helena ever mention a ‘countess?’”

“No… she mentioned… other vampires, creatures. She always seemed… rather isolated.”

“I was hoping you would have some insight.”

“Unfortunately, no.” Seras offered the letter back, “Where is it from?”

“Romania, which is stranger, still. No return address.”

“Do you think someone will come looking for her?”

“It’s a possibility.”

Seras sighed, “I’m sure we’ll manage.”

Integra nodded, slipping the letter back among the other papers.

“I have some things… I want to take care of, Integra. If you need me… you can call for me.”

“Alright…”

Seras leaned down to press a kiss to Integra’s cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

## 16 November 2000 10:43 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Seras settled on the couch in the library, resuming ‘things to take care of,’ which in this case, was resuming reading another book. Since Helena’s destruction, she had decided to read further fictional tales of vampires (and other creatures). It was clear from most of them that there was little basis in reality. She set down the book, letting out a sigh. This “research” wasn’t providing any more information than destroying fellow vampires. There was also the fact that vampire activity was continuing to dwindle once more.

The break was nice, the boredom was not. There were guards she could speak to and whatnot, but the ongoing calm was completely foreign. She fidgeted, moving her shadows around with solidly formed fingers. And then decided to try something, expanding them to slowly envelope her form, until she was a sea of shadow. It was the strangest experience, and perfectly natural, or as a vampire, supernatural. A pair of fangs emerged in what was possibly a smile as she went through the house, and back to Integra.

It did work, to some extent, in spooking Integra. Integra had clearly sensed her arrival, but not in the form of a swirl of shadows and a partially formed face and torso emerging right behind her.

“...Seras.”

“Integra!”

She jolted, whipping around.

Seras grinned, the rest of her body forming, “I didn’t think it would work that well.”

“...I could tell you were nearby.”

“Someday you’ll learn how to…”

“Hmmm…” Integra raised an eyebrow, and then lunged forward in a move of playful revenge. Seras dodged, running.

The hunt was on.

She stopped, turning and letting Integra tackling her, sending them sprawling across the office floor. Seras rolled Integra over, for a moment proudly straddling her and barring her teeth. Integra smiled up at her.

“...I win.” Integra raised an eyebrow, rolling Seras back over. Seras giggled, her tone becoming even more playful, “Don’t break anything…”

Integra chuckled, “I’m still getting used to the new abilities…”

“Have you broken something… that I don’t know about?”

“That’s not your business.”

“You have…”

“I have not,” she said, leaning down to kiss Seras.

“You’re lying…” she let Integra kiss her though, relaxing back on the floor. Definitely no longer bored. She looped her legs around Integra.

“Mmph….” she said, not bothering to even try to pull away, kissing her again. “I shouldn’t reward you for scaring me.”

“I was bored… I didn’t actually think I would actually frighten you.”

“Bored?” she said.

“Mmmhm,” she tightened her legs, “what were you working on?”

“I was finishing paperwork for some of the guards…”

“Sounds boring…” she reached a hand up to tug on Integra’s bangs.

Integra smiled, kissing her again, “Not in my office.”

“Not what?”

Integra flushed. They hadn’t done _much_ since Integra’s turning and the few days following. She had regained _some_ of her memory. It was still slightly embarrassing to express desire outright. “Do… you want to go to my room?”

Seras tried not to let out a giggle at the careful wording, “Sure…”

Integra leaned down, kissing her again, and then pulling away. She stood, taking Seras’s hand to pull her up. Seras stood up, “We don’t have to walk there...”

“I’ll walk.”

Seras made an exaggerated pout.

Things were certainly back to a _new_ normal.

“We can walk.”

Integra walked down the hallway, Seras following after and draping her arm around Integra when we reached the door when she went to open it. “I didn’t even think you would go this far.”

Integra leaned back into her hold before pulling away, “I think it was a mutual effort.”

Seras smiled, “I’ll take that.”

She beat Integra to the bed, sitting on the edge as Integra came over. She reached up, grabbing Integra’s tie and pulling her down to kiss. She followed Seras’s pull back, the soft fabric of her gloves on her cheeks as they kissed, fluffy bangs brushing each other’s faces.

Moments later, Seras was being rolled back onto the bed, letting out a soft giggle as they toppled back. Integra brought her leg between Seras’s and she did her best to mirror the action. Slowly rolling, grinding, moving. Kissing and letting out an occasional gasp at the surprisingly pleasurable movements.

Seras looked up at Integra as the kiss broke and her hands reached to cling to her suit jacket. The thigh between her legs continued to apply pressure as she rolled up against it. “Integra… Ah…” And despite the thigh between her legs trying to keep them apart, Seras found herself tightening her legs around it, and Integra was responding in similar motions, pressing back against her hip, hands that had at some point lost their gloves slowly sliding along her body.

She kept moving, squeezing her eyes shut and hands gripping the fabric of Integra’s suit with such strength she was sure it would tear, until finally, between the friction and kissing, she tensed and moaned, collapsing back onto the bed, panting, stunned and looking up at Integra, who looked slightly less disheveled as she felt. Integra wordlessly slowly rolled over to Seras’s side, laying back on the bed.

“Did you...?”

“No…”

Seras slowly rolled over, hand reaching for the buttons of Integra’s jacket, “...can I?”

“No.”

Seras bit back her lip, but got a bit closer, “Can we cuddle?”

Integra nodded, rolling over a bit more and allowing Seras to get closer, looping her arm around her until they were properly cuddled up and Seras rested her head on her shoulder, shutting her eyes.

## 17 November 2000 1:32 am - Hellsing Mansion

“You’re awake.”

“I am…” Seras reached around, looping her arms around Integra’s waist and smiling, pulling her closer again, “Don’t you want to do something else sometimes, besides work and whatever else you do in that office…”

Integra sighed, hand going over Seras’s, thinking. Seras was _still_ managing to pull her away from her work, despite her best efforts. Whether it was a bath, a movie, or _this._ Although _this_ had really become Seras’s middle of the night nap. “My work is important… but we could travel somewhere, for a bit.”

“A holiday.”

“Yes.

“No work, no… interruptions.”

Integra sighed, “I make no promises.”

Seras sighed, hands tightening their grip on Integra’s blouse. “Don’t you ever… want to get away from it all? Like...”

“Seras.” Integra visibly stiffened, “No.”

And like that, the thread of duty appeared once more, tying them up and together.

“But we can go on holiday.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

## 28 November 2000 12:04 am - Hellsing Manion

“By the way, Seras, I arranged for us to leave to Romania. On Friday.”

Seras looked up, “Leave to Romania?”

“A holiday.”

“Not a mission?”

“Yes. We’ll be flying… so I’ll be having our coffins transported with us,” she came behind Seras, looking over her shoulder at the book in her hands. “And before you ask _how_ I arranged it so quickly, I am the leader of a national organization. And I _promised_.”

“Romania, too. What part?”

“Near Transylvania. Seemed fitting.”

“I don’t even know Romanian, though…”

“Neither do I.”

“Fitting, at least go somewhere where I can talk to people… I know French…” Seras clasped her hand over her mouth, “When did I learn French?”

Integra looked up, “You speak French?”

“I didn’t… Oh.”

“Pip.”

“Yeah.”

Seras was quiet for several seconds, coping with the realization that Pip had integrated into her own sense of self, which had included apparently, knowing French. Although for a moment, the only memories of the language coming to her were rather obscene.

“I should get to packing then.”

Integra nodded, patting Seras’s shoulder before pulling away.

“Integra?”

“Yes.”

“One more thing.”

Integra stood a few paces away from the door, waiting. Seras got up, coming around to face Seras, leaning up, bringing her shadow hand to her cheek. And then she kissed Integra. Integra’s eyes widened, and then shut, returning the kiss. Seras pulled away after several seconds.

“That all?”

“Mmmhmm…” Seras smiled widely, fangs visible, “That’s all.”


	8. The Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fool is a card of new beginnings, opportunity and potential. Just like the young man, you are at the outset of your journey, standing at the cliff‘s edge, and about to take your first step into the unknown. Even though you don’t know exactly where you are going, you are being called to commit yourself and follow your heart, no matter how crazy this leap of faith might seem to you. Now is a time when you need to trust where the Universe is taking you.  
> [source](https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/major-arcana/fool/)  
> The fool is almost always drawn at the beginning of a journey and marks the beginning of the tarot deck.

_Watch the sun go down into the sea_

_Wrap your love around me_

_Life is beautiful and now you see_

_This is how it feels to be free_

_Orange Trees - Marina_

## 1 December 2000 - Hellsing Mansion

Friday arrived far too quickly, with a swirl of activity and excitement. It also marked officer Lawson’s return to the mansion. Seras managed to finish her packing, and pester Integra into allowing her to load up her luggage into the back of the car. Thankfully, at least, the shipping of their coffins had been arranged. Despite Integra’s insistence it was taken care of, it did not stop Seras from obtaining small bags of dirt ‘just in case,' in their carried luggage (really, excessive, given this wasn’t even a mission).

She was still a bit shocked by Integra’s choice of destination, and had her suspicions as to why, but did not continue to ask, particularly in the presence of prying ears.

Really, the biggest shock was seeing Integra actually dress more inconspicuously. The silhouette of plum fabric was still stunning, but not as jarringly out of place as her suit or combat attire.

“The purple looks nice…”

“Thank you.”

“I put all our stuff in the car… when do we leave?”

“Shortly. As soon as I follow up with Lawson.”

And as punctual as ever, there were two raps on the office door and the sound of familiar footsteps. “Sir Integra, Officer Victoria.”

“I’ll step out.”

Integra nodded, eyes distractedly following Seras’s exit as she sat back on her office chair.

—

“It’s good to be back. Although, I return to Hellsing, and you’re already departing…”

“We’ll be gone for two weeks, and I will be available by phone.”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright with no accompaniments?”

“I’m sure anything Sera—Victoria cannot deal with, I can. And I will not be unarmed by any means.”

“I trust you both,” Lawson said, “Just in case, though.”

“We’ll be mostly alone for the trip. I am having a translator meet us, though, and having a small supply of blood delivered,” she offered Lawson a packet, “And our tentative itinerary is in here. Along with any contacts in the area should you lose contact.”

“Ah… I see. I hope… you two enjoy your vacation.”

“I’m sure you enjoyed your time with Sir Penwood,” Integra raised an eyebrow and noted the very _slight_ blush on her employee’s face.

“Yes sir…” she said, taking the papers.

Integra stood, giving a single nod before leaving.

**—**

Seras got into the car, glancing at the minivan to the left, also parked in the large garage, recalling the last trip outside the mansion to Cheddar. At least this time, they would be traveling by flight, and for leisure. And she would be the one driving them to the airport, even if it was Integra’s car.

She adjusted her own clothes, the coat unnecessary but the plush fabric was soft and a nice luxury. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Integra coming down the stairs, and stopped fixating on her reflection in the rearview mirror.

“Lawson was fascinated as to why no one else is accompanying us.”

“It’s not exactly conspicuous to have an armed guard.”

Integra sat back in the passenger seat, “I am my own armed guard.”

“I meant one of the Wild Geese.”

“I know.”

“So…. to the airport?”

“Yes.”

Seras started the car.

Integra looked out the window at the night sky. “By the way, although we are flying under Hellsing on a semi-private flight, I did get you a passport.”

“What do you mean semi-private?”

“Government flight. I don’t recall if anyone else will be on the flight.”

“Oh. How did you convince the Convention… since it’s not for a mission or anything?”

“With as poorly as the last meeting went, I was able to apply some pressure to younger members.”

“That sounds like _extortion_.”

“Perhaps.”

Seras tried not to laugh at the serious stone, “I suppose it makes shipping our coffins easier… Why dress differently then?”

“We’re going to be staying in a civilian area. To avoid more suspicion than we will already cause. Also, Hellsing isn’t in long term contact with the translator there, although he was vetted.”

“I’m excited.”

“Me too,” she sighed, smiling slightly. It would be a nice break, at least. Some time together, without constant interruption. And plans to explore the various tourist spots in the evening. And, although she had promised no work, possibly visiting Dracula’s castle and performing subsequent information retrieval. And seeking out the source of the letter. So, business as usual.

—

Boarding the plane and take-off went off without a hitch, although Seras found herself out of sorts with the frivolities. Despite having lived (or in her case, unlived) in the mansion before and after its destruction and rebuild, the fancy interior of the small plane and well-dressed people taking the luggage for her had been a bit jarring. She already missed the distant sounds of rowdy guards and accompanying foreign obscenities.

“I forget Hellsing is… a real organization of the government. Queen and country and all that,” she said, “I suppose it’s a good sign though, that we’re recovering from London.”

—

She did settle, eventually, though, sudoku puzzle booklet and pen in hand, trying to pass the time, quietly brooding.

“Integra… are you hoping to find the source of the letter on this trip?”

“It was not my initial intention, but…”

“No work.”

Integra looked up.

“You brought the letter.”

“I did.”

Seras was silent again.

“Only if it becomes pertinent.”

“We’re going to Romania, near Al— Dracula’s castle, and you…” she wanted to be more irritated, but her own curiosity of Helena’s potential vampire acquaintance tugged at her, “You’re using our time together.”

“I also wanted to give us the opportunity to see where the events of Dracula took place. The castle is still there.”

“You don’t get to choose that for me. You could have told me. Even if it’s for your own closure.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I still want to enjoy our trip together… and you aren’t wrong that I’d like to see that. But I don’t want this to become work.”

Integra reached a hand over to hold Seras’s, "I promise, plenty of plans that don't involve work."

"I _really_ should have looked at the itinerary you gave me." She placed her hand over Integra's, squeezing it back, "but I look forward to the surprises."

##  2 December 2000 5:48 am - Bran, Romania

The flight itself was not nearly as long as it was draining. And true to promise, a translator along with a single escort for their belongings, including the encased coffins. And in theatrical fashion, in the cover of night, making their way to the rental Integra had reserved.

Despite the lack of daylight, and clear age of it, it was beautiful in its own right. Dark and wooden, like the area of dense foliage around it with occasional dustings of snow where it had not yet thawed the day prior. The escort offered the key, and well wishes to their stay, and thankfully left on his way with the translator with the apparent information of a ‘delivery as promised by the next evening,’ which Seras could only infer was the delivery of blood Integra had mentioned in planning.

For now, though, she walked through the house, fascinated and in awe of the architecture and the view from the second-floor bedroom window.

“Integra.”

An arm looped around her waist, and Integra pulled her closer as she, too, looked out at the view of houses farther down the hill, and the night sky.

“How soon will the sun rise?”

“Soon. It’s nearly six in the morning.”

“Where did they put our coffins?”

“The garage.”

Seras leaned back into Integra’s hold, “As if time changes aren’t bad enough on their own. And now we’re in vampire-land, trying not to be suspicious with two large wooden boxes.”

“I chose an isolated place for a reason,” she reached the hand around to brush the skin on the side of Seras’s neck.

“No interruptions.”

“None.”


	9. The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sun represents success, radiance and abundance. The Sun gives you strength and tells you that no matter where you go or what you do, your positive and radiant energy will follow you and bring you happiness and joy. People are drawn to you because you can always see the bright side and bring such warmth into other people’s lives. This beautiful, warm energy is what will get you through the tough times and help you succeed. You are also in a position where you can share your highest qualities and achievements with others. Radiate who you are and what you stand for; shine your love on those you care about. [source](https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/major-arcana/sun/)  
> 

_It's to make it on a tight rope I'm not falling, I'm not crawling  
You can't blame me, not for trying  
I'm not foolish, I will get you  
Tear the walls down, don't be stupid  
Meet me halfway to your heart  
Let the sun rise when it's dawning  
And I'll break you, till I breakthrough  
Given It All - Hayley Kiyoko_

## 2 December 2000 6:08 am - Bran, Romania

Seras smiled, leaning further into the touch, and Integra’s hand continued to trail down Seras’s shirt, looking out the window as well, eyes more visibly red when Seras glanced back. No longer in the presence or reach of humanity. That shred of feral that seemed to only come out when Integra _let go_.

She turned slowly, facing Integra, arms wrapping around her, accompanied by shuffling feet and Integra’s soft sigh. And burying her head in Seras’s neck.

“We can explore around the house tomorrow… and the rest of the house…”

Pulling her back to the garage with her, where their coffins had been left after being unloaded.

## 2 December 2000 - Romania

At the top of the tower, she stood, looking over. The expanse of nearby civilization lines of light, scattered like the stars above. Brightness was similar to her blonde, wavy hair and the white fabric flowing freely in the breeze. Starkly shining in the night despite it belonging to her.

It was the same as the night before, and the night before, And the night _before_. Ever and forevermore.

Footsteps on stone and wood as she descended back down the footsteps to her seat at the desk, to think once more until the sun rose. And with the knowledge that something was not quite right, despite no evidence to the contrary. Perhaps, the stars were a bit too bright, or the breeze was a bit too warm for the wintertime.

Perhaps it was time to move once more, to travel. To leave the walls of this castle again. Despite the rest of the castle being in disrepair, the tower she had kept from the humans was well kept. And housed her things safely, always ready to depart at a moment’s notice, but never leaving. Even after promising Helena her presence.

Truly, stuck in transition, much like between life and death. The seconds between the light breaching the horizon and the sun peaking over. Between young and old. Good and evil. Being and not to be, much like Schrodinger's cat. Like all vampires, restless and unable to find peace.

## 3 December 2000 6:48 pm - Bran, Romania

Night fell, and the sun rose regardless. Always bright and warm even in the presence of the darkest night. Wrapped in ivory and rays of blonde in every direction. And Integra’s hand threaded through it.

A smile lit her face.

“Integra. Wake up.”

Eyes flicked open, looking at her, “Seras?”

“It’s night,” she was slowly prying herself from Integra’s embrace, “We can explore.”

“The delivery of blood should be here as well,” Integra released her arms, and Seras was out of the coffin and standing, reaching her hand down for Integra’s. “And I need to change out of these traveling clothes.”

Seras perked up even more, “I’ll go look. And you can change into something _more comfortable_.”

Seras disappeared just as quickly as she had managed to get out of the coffin, finding the styrofoam cooler and a handwritten note attached on the front porch. And took it to the kitchen. Perhaps, if still alive, she would have appreciated more of and the vase of surprisingly fresh flowers, but for now, the fridge was quite appreciated for stowing the blood in. And another window looking into the tree right outside. And the night. And snow.

She leaned forward on the counter, smiling. It wasn’t all that dissimilar to the mansion. But it was much quieter, more peaceful. Integra’s footsteps interrupted the quiet, and Seras smiled.

“I should put on something more appropriate so I don’t look lost. Dress for the weather. Or at least a coat.”

“Your luggage was put upstairs in the bedroom.”

Seras disappeared to go retrieve a coat and some proper attire for the snowy winter night, bundled up when she met Integra at the door, reaching for her gloved hand, ready to venture out, ready to explore.

“I’ll let you lead the way.”

They stepped out into the cold, Integra leading. “After you have a look around. There is a trail nearby that goes up the hill. And a lookout. It hasn’t snowed… too much.”

Seras looked around. Despite the darkness that would have kept any live person from being able to see beyond the lights of the porch and their reflections off the snow, she could see down the road, the trees growing denser in the distance just as she had seen in the window. The quietness of the snowfall, and the sound of rustling occasionally in the trees. She reached a hand out beyond the edge of the porch, a snowflake falling into her gloved hand. And Integra watched her.

“I can see around plenty. Where is the trail?”

“Follow me.”

Integra tugged her hand, leading her down the stairs and to the side of the house. Where unmarked, and nearly invisible under the snow, was the trail. And uphill.

“It’s times like these I’m _really_ glad I can’t get cold anymore.”

Integra chuckled, leading the way up the gradual grade of the trail, “I didn’t consider enough about the weather.”

“I’m still going to try to use the fireplace when we get back. And the timing is perfect. We’ll be back in time for Christmas.”

“We will.”

“I hope the guards decorate.”

“I’m sure they will.”

Seras smiled, briefly recalling last Christmas. She squeezed Integra’s hand, glancing back at the faint glow from the house and then ahead.

“How close are we to Dracula’s castle?”

“Close. It’s a few kilometers south west of here..”

Seras pulled her hood back, “I know I told you on the plane no work. But I’d like to go see it. Another night.”

Integra nodded, continuing up the path. Seras was silent until they reached the lookout a few minutes later, a stone bench marking it. Integra reached down, brushing the bench off before sitting down. Seras sat down, “Wow…”

The night sky, the haze of snow, the kilometers of a snowy forest, and cities extending to the horizon. Other hills. Down the hill. The house’s faint glow down below.

Integra held her hand, squeezing it.

A jut of a large building among the trees.

“That’s the castle, isn’t it.”

“Yes.”

Seras leaned on Integra.

“It’s so beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I’m glad you’re here with me.”

Integra smiled, looping her arm around Seras and relaxing. Looking up at the night sky. The clouds, the snow slowing to a slight sprinkle. And then something else. A flock of bats taking off from a nearby tree.

“Seras. Bats.”

Seras perked up, looking in the direction of the bats, watching them dive back into another tree and landing once more. “You know, one of these days I’m going to have to learn to actually turn into a bat. Or bats. Not just my shadows.” She held up her arm, tendrils of shadow between the glove and sleeve of her coat.

“One of these days you’ll be able to.”

“And then I can teach you.”

“I believed mastering things would be easier given a lifetime of study, but that has certainly not proven to be true.”

“Do you miss your humanity sometimes?”

“...sometimes.”

“I do… too. I don’t regret it. But… I do wonder.”

“I think it’s reasonable to wonder. To miss living.”

“I suppose,” Seras leaned back on Integra, “Do you want to go back to the house?”

“Soon.”

## 3 December 2000 8:24 pm - Bran, Romania

The walk back down the hill was rather quiet, passing the flock of bats that had settled onto a tree closer to the trail.

“I want to start a fire… warm up…” Seras said, turning on the lights as she made her way to the living room fireplace, grabbing a log to put in the hearth. Integra shed her coat, putting it on the coat rack nearby to thaw and dry off, taking off her boots as well.

“Do you have a match? Or see any?”

Integra dug into her pants pocket, handing her old cigar lighter to Seras.

“Just because you’re a vampire…”

“I haven’t been smoking.”

Seras sighed, grabbing a magazine from the table and ripping a couple of pages off before lighting them and putting them under the log. She started to stand, adding a couple more, waiting for the log to light until finally it started to burn. Smiling, she shed her own coat before sitting by Integra. Despite not being physically affected by the cold, the warmth was nice.

“Can I show you something?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll go get it from my bag,” Seras got up, disappearing up the stairs and returning with a small box, setting it back on the coffee table, sitting down again, “It’s a tarot deck.”

“Tarot cards?”

“They are..” she considered how best to explain them, “They’re cards that can be played, or through ‘readings’” she said, using air quotes, “I used to be really into it when I was younger until my deck was destroyed… and all. Each card has a meaning.”

Integra watched as she opened the box, pulling the guide out, and the cards. “Tarot cards. I remember now. They’re connected to the occult and witchcraft.”

“For some people, future predicting, that kind of thing. It’s just fun if nothing else, though,” she began shuffling the cards, “I think you’ll like it. Do you want to try?”

“Show me how.”

Seras spread the deck, “So. I’ll have you pick 3 cards.”

“How do I pick?”

“Randomly, if you want.”

Integra grabbed three cards from the center, “And?”

“Put them in any order. And then you’ll turn them left to right, for past, present, future.”

Integra placed the cards in the same order in front of her, turning the first card over. Seras leaned over, looking at the card. “The past… I think that’s the Hierophant.” She picked up the guide again, “It is. And it’s reversed. So,” she hummed, “The hierophant is a traditionalist. Conformity. Teaching. Since it’s reversed, that means breaking conventions.”

“I see,” she turned the other two cards over.

“And… the Lovers and the Chariot... “ she said, flipping through the packet again, “The lovers,” kicking Integra’s leg lightly, “Maybe the cards are real. The lovers embrace another. Communication, vulnerability…” she looked at Integra.

Integra didn’t have it in her to glare or tease Seras in return, “And the Chariot?”

“Control, willpower, work hard… those kinds of things. So your future is the same as you are now,” she said, “I kind of want to do a reading for myself now… your cards were really good!”

“I thought you said you don’t ‘believe’ in these kinds of things.”

“Not seriously,” she said, taking the three cards from in front of Integra and returning them to the deck, pulling three cards out rather quickly and setting them in front of herself, flipping them all over to identify.

“Ace of Wands, Two of Pentacles and… the Sun. It’s…” Seras fumbled slightly with the pamphlet, “Inspiration and things... Balance and priorities. And the Sun is for ‘success, radiance, joy.’”

“Are all of them so ‘feel good’ and things. It seems really generic.”

“It’s supposed to be, so it can apply to anything. Not all of them are ‘feel good.’” she collected the cards back in the deck, “There are other readings in the pamphlet. A love reading. Do you want to?”

“You can.”

Seras deflated slightly but began to slowly pull cards from the deck and arrange them in a vaguely heart-shaped arrangement. “So the first card is to represent me.”

“The fool, upright,” she sifted through the pamphlet again, “Usually it means… yep. Uncertainty, innocence, and new beginnings. To go forward without insecurity. Do you want to flip the card that represents you?” she gestured to the next card.

Integra flipped it.

“Perhaps these cards really are magic,” Seras joked, “The Chariot, again. The next card is the characteristics that bring us together,” she flipped the third card. “Death.” Seras looked at the pamphlet, skimming over the text for love and romance. She did not speak the words, but resonated with them strongly, ‘The old issues the Death card seeks to change can be deep-seated and painful,’ and then up at Integra, “We are both dead, literally.”

“What is it supposed to mean? Is it supposed to predict death?”

“Transformation and things,” she said, flipping the fourth card, “Next card. This is supposed to be our strength. Wheel of fortune.” She flipped back through the pamphlet, “Excitement. Action. And then our weaknesses.” She flipped the card, “The.. Tower. Tragedy… if I remember correctly,” she flipped through the pages of the pamphlet again, “Tragedy and upheaval.”

“I’m very grateful I don’t believe in these kinds of things.”

Seras half-nodded, still reading. She didn’t not believe in Tarot Card readings, but she felt the reading was a bit accurate. ‘The Tower can represent going through a difficult or traumatic event that will push your relationship to its absolute limits.’

“Next card?” Integra offered.

Seras pulled away from the book, flipping the final card, “This card is supposed to represent our relationship. This is… Judgment.” She flipped through the pamphlet again, “Change, rebirth, inner calling.”

Integra placed her hand on Seras’s, who had gone oddly still. “Seras.”

“Hmm?”

“Just things like this, from my past. It’s odd,” she opened her hand to Integra’s, “They’re just cards.”

Integra ran her thumb across the palm of Seras’s hand in reassurance, the act still foreign. Seras’s hand felt warm in hers, comforting, and she brought it closer to her. She brought her other hand up to massage Seras’s hand in hers. She didn’t know how to comfort Seras’s sudden shift in mood but decided to dwell in it, instead of avoiding. The pause gave Seras a moment to gather her thoughts. The reflection of the flickering fire in her eyes as she spoke, calmer again.

“I hate my past. I try so hard to avoid it because I want to be better, to move on. I want to be happy now,” she smiled, “I forgive the world so I can live in it.”

Integra smiled, “I brought something for you. I was going to wait until the end up the trip to give it to you. But now is a good time.”

Seras’s eyes widened.

“I’ll be back in a moment.”

Integra returned, handing her a small bag, “Open it.”

Seras carefully pulled the small box out, along with the tissue paper. “What did you get me—Integra.” She opened it, revealing the necklace, a simple chain and gold sunflower.

“Would you like to put it on?”

“Yes,” Seras said, pulling it out of the box and holding it, “I love it, Integra. Thank you.”

“Can I put it on?”

A faint blush dusted Seras’s cheeks, “You can.”

Integra took it from Seras’s hands, “I’m glad you like it.” She brushed Seras’s hair to the side, her hand ghosting over the marks on Seras’s neck as she clasped it.

“I really like it,” she reached to touch the sunflower charm, “Why a sunflower?”

“I thought the flower suited you.”

“The sun,” Seras smiled, “sunflowers always seek the sun, following it?”

“The sun illuminates the night,” she said, smiling.

“Thank you…” Seras darted forward, pressing a kiss to Integra’s lips. But she didn’t dart back. And neither did Integra, hand returning, this time sliding through her hair.


	10. The Magician

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Magician is the representation of pure willpower. With the power of the elements and the suits, he takes the potential innate in the fool and molds it into being with the power of desire. He is the connecting force between heaven and earth, for he understands the meaning behind the words "as above so below" - that mind and world are only reflections of one another.[source](https://labyrinthos.co/blogs/tarot-card-meanings-list/the-magician-meaning-major-arcana-tarot-card-meanings)  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience and feedback <3 finally using the song I used for the title of this fic. Hope you all are enjoying particularly the magic(tm) in this chapter.

_Kiss me on the mouth and set me free  
Sing me like a choir,  
I can be the subject of your dreams  
Your sickening desire  
Don't you want to see a man up close?  
A phoenix in the fire  
...  
You can coax the cold right out of me  
Drape me in your warmth  
The rapture in the dark puts me at ease  
The blind eye of the storm  
Let's go for a walk down Easy Street  
Where you can be reborn  
Bite - Troye Sivan_

## 3 December 2000 8:53 pm- Bran, Romania

The fire flickered brightly in the background, casting the shadows of the two creatures against the wall as they kissed. Seras slowly pulled Integra back, keeping their lips locked together until she was laying back on the couch, looking up at her. And then looped her leg around Integra, hand reaching for shirt fabric and pulling her back down to kiss. Softly, moving, caressing, soothing touches, a hand sliding under her shirt and into her bra, cupping soft flesh and toying with her nipple. A kiss pressed to bared flesh, near the chain of the necklace.

“We don’t have to be quiet—”

“Who said anything about being quiet?”

Seras pressed her lips together, looking up at Integra. The hand on her breast oddly still. A brief acknowledgment of a mutual agreement they had arrived at again. Although, Seras had a feeling that each time they did _this_ it would feel like a new journey, unwalked territory, and what Integra would do. Not that Integra was much better off—despite initiating, the trail was no better walked by her, either. And only that they ventured down the trail together.

Another kiss was pressed to her neck, and then a hand slid down, and Seras briefly regretted having chosen pants. She could feel Integra’s hand palm through her pants. She bit back her lip, pressing up and sighing in pleasure. And rested back, releasing Integra from the hold of her leg. She felt Integra undo the fastening and zipper, fingers gliding over the dampened fabric. She wondered if she could prompt Integra into using her mouth as she had the singular time _just_ after being turned.

“Integra…” she said, rolling her hips against the hand, “More.”

She sat back slightly, the hand stopping to pull her pants down and reposition them. Seras rolled her hips again when the hand returned, thumb under the elastic waistband. And then finally sliding back underneath. Seras bit her lip, fang digging until blood started to slowly pool. And that did seem to spur Integra on, leaning forward and tongue licking at it, the touch of her hand roughening,

“ _Integra_.”

She felt the breach of fingers accompanied by a soft hiss. And her own choked moan.

“Seras…”

All Seras could manage in reply was a soft whimper and an effort to not close her legs around Integra’s hand. The movements were prying, curling, and _rough_. “Ah… more…” she could feel the blood from her lips being lapped at lazily. And her own body already being brought violently close. She rocked back, trembling for several seconds, accompanied by a loud whimper. She collapsed back, panting. Integra was still touching her, gently. And then the hand pulled away. Seras reached for her wrist, looking at Integra’s hand for a fraction of a second. It was embarrassingly wet, by her own doing. And then brought it to her lips, and before Integra could protest, licking. Integra’s eyes widened. She wrapped her lips around them, licking them off. And then releasing them. She stared back.

Integra shifted back slightly from between Seras’s legs. She finally sat up and Integra was fixing her own clothes. Seras leaned in to kiss Integra, “You too. Let me…”

Integra kissed her back, and they shifted again, Seras slowly pushing Integra back in the process, until she propped herself up on her elbows, looking at Seras. Seras’s hand slipped under her blouse, her other hand slipping down to undo Integra’s belt. It was awkward for a moment as Seras struggled.

“I don’t know _how_ you get my clothes off so fast.”

Integra let out a soft chuckle, and Seras finally unbuckled Integra’s belt, undoing the clasp and zipper with more ease. Upon managing that, fingers slipped down with relative ease to touch Integra, leaning up to kiss her again. Integra’s eyes fell shut, laying back against completely.

“More, Seras,” she pressed her hips against Seras as her finger circled her clit. Seras’s touch was akin to caress—so gentle—as it always was. Seras responded by kissing Integra again, still teasing, touching her all over but less intensely.

“Mmm…” Seras hummed, kissing down her neck, dragging her fangs lightly.

Integra hated how much her voice sounded like begging instead of commanding, but she hated more the way her arousal just kept building with no resolution, “Seras. _More.”_

Seras finally touched her with the intensity Integra craved, causing her to hold back a moan, and Seraas remained quiet just so she could hear every sound she was drawing from Integra. Each time she pressed her lips together, each time she inhaled sharply.

“Seras… yes.”

She could _feel_ Integra’s pleasure, and strove to increase it, other hand slipping under Integra’s blouse again. Seras's touch was near-overwhelming as her hand explored once more, touching her all over but choosing not to enter her, and then her slick finger focused on her clitoris again, and Integra stiffened, hands forming fists at her sides.

“I’m…” she collapsed back. Seras pulled her hand away, kissing Integra’s cheek. Relaxed, and deciding against her better judgment to lay down on top of Integra, resting her head on her chest. She felt an arm loop over her. Despite the apparent warmth of the fire, the embrace was somehow warmer, and Seras fell right into it.

Integra relaxed back. She felt the same sense of peace. Normalcy. Safety. Looking down at Seras, the mess of blonde hair not her own pressed to her chest. The night was young, but like this, it seemed ageless. She wanted this to last forever. And in almost slow motion, she threaded a hand through it, “I love you…”

“Mmm… I love you too.”


End file.
